Without even reading the article yet, this was my comment to her: "I haven't read this yet, but I have strong feelings about this. It's not anyone's damn business why you don't have kids. It's amazing how often people think they need to give their opinion about this, even perfect strangers."
You see, I am a *cough* 41 *cough* year old woman that does not have children. I didn't exactly plan it that way. I never was against the idea of having children. I assumed I'd get around to it, but I didn't. Examining my life, I'm glad I didn't. About three years ago, I really looked long and hard at this part of my life. I even had a period of mourning the fact that I missed out on this glorious role in life - parenthood. I mean that. This is one of those times that I'm not being sarcastic. I realized the time had come and gone for me. I was never truly in the right place and/or right relationship that bringing a child into the world as my responsibility was a good idea. And, that's okay. I'm really okay with it. I never experienced that maternal yearning or biological clock ticking sensation. That's okay too. I do not feel that I'm a lesser person because of this fact.
But.........
You'd be surprised at how many people feel like they need to comment, advise, and give their opinion about this fact. You'd be surprised at how many people, especially perfect strangers, feel the need to tell me what they think about my child-free life. People telling me it can still happen (uhm, I'm not trying to make it happen). People telling me to not give up (uhm, I'm not hoping or striving for anything to "give up" on). People actually asking "why?" and "don't you like kids?" and other such remarkably personal questions. What if the answer was that I can't have kids? That physically, my body isn't able to produce. What if I suffered emotional trauma because of this? There are many women out there that experience fertility issues, so what if I was one of them? I'm not, but my point is that this is a topic that is personal and such questions shouldn't be approached in such a nonchalant way that I've experienced.
I'm lucky. My family has always understood this about me. I've never experienced any pressure from them to have children. I've never felt like a disappointment because I didn't have children. (I've felt like a disappointment for other reasons, but not this one). Those closest to me "get it", so why do strangers or peripheral people in my life feel the need to ask questions?
Yes, I like kids. I loved hanging with my nieces and nephew when they were younger. The small amount of time that I've spent with my cousins' kids have been awesome. My friends' kids? Love 'em. I am one of those people who genuinely respect and admire my friends and loved ones in their roles as parents. It truly is amazing to me. And guess what... my guy has kids, and I'm fortunate enough that he shares them with me. Maybe my place is to be the best step-parental role model that I can possibly be. That's the role I'm happy to tackle.
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| See, I can hang with kids |
Now, babies....they scare me!
Oh, and one more reason that I'm happy to be child-free? No creepy elf on a shelf!!!
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| Photo credit |
