Swappin' Countries: Going Home

For anyone new around these parts, Erin is an American who lives in Australia, and Kristen is an Australian who lives in America.  The two of us regularly talk about our experiences and lives swapping countries. 

Well, not sure if "regularly" is the correct word because we both admit to being pretty inconsistent, but we have the best intentions to keep this series going.  (Is it a series if we've only had one post and one guest post?)

Both of us are traveling to our original homes in the next couple of months, so we thought we'd share our thoughts, feelings, and anticipations about that visit.

Erin's story:  It's been exactly two years since I've last been to Texas.  I am suffering from some serious homesickness, I ain't gonna lie about that.  Two years is a long time to go without a hug from my daddy, a laugh with my mama (in person), and the taste of chile con queso in my belly. 

Two years ago, my trip was planned around niece #1's high school graduation and a cousin's college graduation.  This year, my trip is planned around niece #2's high school graduation.  I will also get to spend Memorial Day in the good ol' U.S. of A.  As a bonus, my mom, my niece, my sister-in-law and I are having a quick San Francisco getaway together.  And, as a further bonus, three of my bestest girlfriends are meeting me in Northern Cali after the relatives go back to Texas, and I'll complete my trip with a couple of days in the Sonoma Valley with my girls. 

When I go home, there is no time for rest and relaxation.  I am constantly on the go, doing all the things and seeing all the people and eating all the food.  I love Texas food.  I may have an unhealthy relationship with it, but seriously, when I'm home, I gorge on alllll those things that I miss when I'm in Australia.

Neither of my parents live in Houston anymore.  I split my time between Huntsville (with my dad and stepmom) and Tyler (with my mom and her guy), and I squeeze in a little College Station time where my brother and his family lives.

Often, I get overwhelmed because I never get to see all the people I want to see or do all the things I want to do.  I have to prioritize, and in this situation, as cliché as it sounds, it's family first for me.

So, this might sound bad, but I also see the folks who are willing to be flexible and put effort in our relationship.  There are folks that I was really close to when I lived in Texas, yet I never hear from them anymore.  That's fine.  Our lives have gone in different directions.  So, I see the folks that are currently a part of my life, and not the ones that were once upon a time.

There is always some feelings of guilt.  I feel guilty by the pain in my father's voice, and the tears in my mother's eyes.  They support my happiness here, but we miss seeing once another more frequently, and I'd be lying if I didn't say I feel guilty about it.

And, when I visit Texas without my guy, I miss him.  Three weeks without your partner in life is a significant amount of time to be apart.  But, it's something we knew would be a part of our relationship with the reality of me living on the other side of the planet of so many of my loved ones.

The most difficult part of the trip?  Saying goodbye.  Especially when I don't have an exact plan of when I'll be there next.  So, so tough.  I get on that plane.  I sigh.  I reflect.  I may cry.  But, I head back to my second home where my husband, stepkids, fur babies, and life awaits. 

I feel fortunate to call two places home.  To have people that love and value me.  To love and value others.  Through the hardships, the feeling of gratitude for that love and appreciation outweighs all.

Kristen's story:  It has been almost 3 years since I last went home, and almost 5 and a half years since I left for good (though, I didn't know that at the time).

Like Erin, I am suffering from some pretty awful homesickness as well. I am very excited that I will be back in my home country, eating all the food I miss, hearing people talk like me, seeing words I recognise, driving on the side of the road I learned to drive on... all those things. But I am obviously most excited about seeing my family, especially my mum.

My mum and I have always been extremely close and living on the other side of the world has been so hard. Sometimes I wish it were different, but you can't help who you love. Mum loves America and has visited a few times since I moved here (only once to Louisville though) and her last trip was September 2016. I met up with her and a friend in LA & Vegas and we had a ball (and of course, fought a ton). The next plans were for KC and I to come home in June 2017, and then mum wanted to go to Graceland sometime in 2018.

my mum loves Toby Keith

We booked our flights for this June back in December. December 30th to be exact. As most of you know, my mum had a stroke early January. If we hadn't just booked our flights, this trip may not be happening. I probably would have hopped on a flight home immediately. I almost did, several times, but she was surrounded by family and I was able to talk to her immediately after the stroke and she told me not to come. Things got a bit worse before they got better, but she is doing really well. She is not home yet, and she is not back at work.

Before my mum's stroke, we had lots of plans - I wanted to take KC to see the Blue Mountains and the Hunter Valley. I wanted to do more touristy stuff because I didn't know when I would be back. I thought about doing another mini trip, like to Uluru or something. Busy busy busy, doing all the things and seeing all the people. Like Erin, I had friends that I was 'so close' with before I left, but they don't put any time and effort into the friendship when I am gone, so unfortunately when I am home, I don't make an effort to see them - time is far too precious for that. Moving across the world sure shows you who your people are.

Now, after my mum's stroke, we probably aren't going to go to the Blue Mountains or the Hunter Valley. We won't go to Uluru. We will probably spend most of our time at home. We had already booked New Zealand before my mum's stroke, and I don't want to waste any of the time I have with her. We will be in Australia for 2 weeks, and we are spending a few days in Melbourne like last time.

I am excited. I can't wait to see my mum, my nana, my cousins, uncles and aunties. I can't wait to see Pacey, my beautiful golden retriever. My cat Agatha couldn't give two shits about me and wouldn't come near me last time, which is definitely more than a little heartbreaking. My little brother is somewhere I'm not going to be able to visit him more than once and that also breaks my heart.

Saying goodbye is stupid hard. Flying home is crazy expensive, KC and I want to start a family soon and won't be able to travel as often. The thought of more long flights makes the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. My mum probably won't be able to travel for quite some time. The unknown, the I don't know when I will be back, when I will see my mum again, it's so freaking hard. I feel so guilty that I am not there. That my dog, Pacey, gets SO excited when she sees me (will she remember me this time?), but my cat Agatha could not care less. They are both getting older, and I am not there for them. Yes, I realise they are animals, but I'm not there for my mum, little brother or nana either.

Like Erin, I do feel fortunate that I can call two places home and that I have people who love me enough to miss me, and I them. Sometimes I have to work a little harder at my appreciation and not turn into a sulky child, but at the end of it all, there's no real solution. I am who I am because of where I've come from and where I am today. My heart - as corny as it sounds - is forever split between the two places. Instead of sulking about it, I will appreciate the visits home more than I ever appreciated actually living there.

As I'm sure you can tell, being an expat going home is all sorts of emotional. But I'm sure I speak for both of us when I say excitement about going home and doing all the things definitely outweighs all the not so great feelings. And of course, I am making Erin see me when I am in Sydney, and who wouldn't be excited about that?

Swappin' Countries with Kristen: Fall vs Spring

For anyone new around these parts, Erin is an American who lives in Australia, and Kristen is an Australian who lives in America.  The two of us regularly talk about our experiences and lives swapping countries.  One of the most bizarre things to get used to when moving to a continent located on the other side of the planet in a different hemisphere is the opposite seasons. 

Basic facts:

American fall (Australia doesn't call it "fall"; it's called autumn) = September, October, November = Australian spring

Things that Erin typically associates with "fall" = football, MLB post season, fall leaves, Halloween, Thanksgiving, boots & sweaters

Things that Kristen typically associates with "spring" = Melbourne cup and racing season (spring carnival), just the fact that it's getting warmer and the end of the year is nearing so I always felt the need to get my life together and spring clean all the things.

Erin:  I live in a country that doesn't care much about American football (aka "gridiron").  We have ESPN.  It's an Australia/New Zealand programming version of ESPN.  We get football games.  But, you get one choice.  Whatever the programming director of ESPNAuNZ chooses and is able to show due to contractual obligations with American channels of ESPN, ABC, CBS, Fox Sports.  That's the game you get to see.  Sometimes it is live, and other times it's shown on a delay.  Oh, we have Fox Sports too, but they don't show American football.  They are showing things more interesting to Australian viewers.  So, any of my football viewing is occurring during Spring now.

Football "viewing" through online updates can be stressful

Kristen: In Australia, both football seasons - the NRL (National Rugby League) and the AFL (Australian Football League) - go from March to October, but regardless of which country I am in, I have never been a fan of football. KC is though, so it's always on during the American football season. I never pay attention, I'd rather read and can tune his shouts out easily. However, I have been to a couple of games and I enjoy it way more in person, and the atmosphere is insane compared to a game back home.

Erin:  ESPNAuNZ does show post season baseball games.  I'd care about them a whole lot more if my Astros were contenders.  Instead, I watch this Astro play ball a lot more often than I watch MLB games on tv.

Kristen: At home, spring always meant the spring carnival or 'racing season'. When I was 18-19, I worked at the racecourse, but at about 20-21 I started attending the races instead of working them. We definitely take our races seriously at home and it's just the thing to do. It's not the classiest of events (unless you pay lots of money) but it's always a good time. I'm very lucky I moved to Kentucky and I still get to attend the races often in American spring.

Erin:  Fall leaves.  Not happening right now for me.  Let's be honest, Texas isn't really known all that much for the changing fall leaves anyway.  Instead, now, I get Jacaranda trees in bloom. 

photo source

Kristen: Spring is beautiful no matter where you are, and you can see above how gorgeous Sydney is in the spring. However, at home the leaves don't really fall off trees in autumn quite like the spectacular way they do in Kentucky. I mean, science is science and the leaves do still fall off, but there is something about the way the America I know does fall.

photo source

Erin:  Halloween is growing here in the 8 years since I've moved.  C'mon, we know that America is great with marketing, advertising, and commercializing things.  So, yes, Halloween is a big deal in America.  It was my favorite holiday.  I have never dressed up in costume for Halloween since I moved here, and I used to do it all the time in America.  Last year was my first time to hand out candy...oops..."lollies" to trick-or-treaters, and I ran out!  I was better prepared this year. 

Kristen: As Erin mentioned, Halloween is picking up in Australia, but it was non existent when I was a child. I never dressed up, I never went trick or treating. I never had kids come to my house either - mum said she got her first trick or treater the year I left, and she had no candy for him. I did dress up for Halloween once as an adult - 21 or 22? Megan and I did a ghost tour I think and we dressed up as a 'sailor' and a cheerleader. We were the only people in costumes that we saw all night. We didn't care, because we were like 22, so whatever. I wish I had photos! I have dressed up for a few Halloweens since I moved here though, this past Halloween was the first that I didn't.

Erin:  Thanksgiving, oh, Thanksgiving.  This is the holiday that I get the most homesick because Australia doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving.  And, I know all my loved ones are getting together stuffing their faces with yummy goodness and watching football games together.  My guy has done a pretty great job at learning recipes (he's a much better cook than I am) and presenting a Thanksgiving meal for me.  Last year, some of our loved ones got together for it.  I still get overly emotional every Thanksgiving, missing my family and all, but the outpouring of love and support from my close circle here is nothing to sneeze at.

2015 Thanksgiving Australia

Kristen: I like Halloween, I like Christmas.. I have no strong feelings about Thanksgiving. Like Erin said, we don't have anything like it. It's very important to my mother in law though, and she takes it super seriously, so I obviously attend. I'm not a huge fan of the food - though I still eat it because, you know, food. I really like all the sales that happen online around this time.

Erin:  Wardrobes change with the seasons.  I ain't gonna lie.  I love putting on some boots and wearing hoodies.  But, I love flip flops, sandals, and cute dresses even more. 

Kristen: I think I fail my blogger certification because I am not as in love with fall fashion as others seem to be. I like sweaters and stuff, and I feel more comfortable in more clothes vs shorts and a tank, but the only plaid I own is a scarf. I have tried to buy things before based on how they look on pinterest, but I end up wearing them once and feeling like an idiot and getting rid of them. Like the below, I was so excited to look all 'fall-y' that I wore what I wanted regardless of the weather, and you can see my friend in flip flops, so.. yeah.

Erin:  I've always said that spring is my favorite season.  Yes, it's still bizarre for me to think of "spring" as September, October, and November, but accepting differences is imperative to embracing life as an expat.

Kristen: Basically what Erin said. You can complain and compare all day, constantly thinking of home or how it 'should' be, but that will only make your life as an expat harder. Instead, just eat some candy and be grateful that you have the opportunity to experience two very different countries and all their differences.

We will continue to share some joint posts based on questions from you, some of our blogger buddies (thanks to those who contributed).  Keep an eye out for those.  Who knows when they'll happen.  This ain't an assignment, and we aren't on a specific timeframe. 

Do you prefer fall or spring?