Thoughts #25 - Voice

Charles M. Schulz

In the crazy world of time differences, Thursday mornings in Australia mean it is Wednesday afternoons in America.  On top of my dresser, I had a stack of old photos that I've been meaning to share with some family members.  The one on top was of my brother,  my cousins (who are also siblings), and me.  Of this mighty foursome, my brother was the oldest, then my cousin Brad is a year younger.  Then, I came along, and Brad's sister Janna is a year younger than me.  Before the age of 10, the four of us would regularly get together at family events, play hide & seek or tag, run through the sprinklers (which is probably what Janna and I were doing in this picture), or the boys would just pick on and aggravate us girls.  Initial response when seeing this picture?  Oh, I need to post that for the others to see and walk down memory lane like I just did.  So, I posted it for a #TBT (Throwback Thursday for you kids that aren't 'in the know') while most of my friends and family were still enjoying their Wednesday.

Me, Cousin Janna, Cousin Brad, Brother Brian

After I posted it, that inner-critic voice crept into my head.  That voice that starts analyzing and criticizing and breaking myself apart.  I thought to myself things like:

 Well, there's evidence right there that I've never had, nor will I ever have a 'thigh gap'.
My gut was big.
Is one thigh trying to overlap the other thigh?
Look how skinny my arms were compared to my legs.

And more.......

My brother had a thigh gap, but I couldn't even have a thigh gap.
Why did my brother luck out and get the skinny genes?

Yes, these were my thoughts.  Yes, they were upsetting me.  The other side of my brain was telling that voice to "Stop!", but it wasn't listening.  The other part of my brain asked these questions:

How old were you here?  8 or 9?  
Why in the world are you criticizing the body of an 8 or 9 year old?  
Why in the world are you picking yourself apart in a picture that should be a cute family photo?  

And that ugly voice retaliated with:

Why in the world did your mother buy that bathing suit for you?  Those colors and stripes only exaggerate your chubbiness.

Seriously, people.  There is a constant battle in my brain with beating myself up over dumb things and trying to talk some sense into myself.  I am not sharing this for you to tell me I was a cute kid.  I know this.  I really do.  It is just that damn voice that I still carry to this day (when I'm at the biggest/heaviest I've ever been) criticizing and tearing myself apart.

I feel strongly about body image and girl power and loving yourself as you are.  And, I was reminded of this message when I needed to hear it.  You know that "a picture says a thousand words" saying?  Well, a friend of mine posted a picture of her daughter a few hours after I posted my picture (above).  It spoke a thousand words that I needed to hear at that time.  The caption read:

"(Daughter's name) in her new gamer girl t-shirt.

I love her spirit."

I saw the picture, and my inner voice was saying:

There's a girl with spunk!
There's a girl with spirit!
There's a girl who is happy and comfortable and confident.
She exudes self-assuredness (which is the comment I made on the picture as well as admitting that I maybe made up a word).
She looks bright and healthy; She looks sassy and fun.
This is one cool kid.

Isn't that what we want an 8 or 9 year old to feel like?  Isn't that the voice that she should be hearing?  I hope she believes every word about herself that her picture portrays...and that her inner critic doesn't live in her head the way mine does. 

Thoughts #14 - Detox

I've always been a girl that likes food that is bad for me.  In high school, my dinner about 4-5 days a week was a basket of fries and cream gravy from Luther's BBQ.   I've discussed my body image issues in previous posts like this one.  The last few years have been my unhealthiest physically.  I've exercised very little and my diet has been awful.  I've been diagnosed with hypothyroidism and insulin resistance.  I need to make some changes.

My dad and step-mom came across an article about sugar addiction from Dr. Mark Hyman.  They bought his book, and some things discussed made sense to them.  They chose to give the suggested eating habits a try including a sugar detox.  They've been really pleased with the results from weight loss, to feeling better, to an outstanding report from my dad's cardiologist.  They've been following this way a eating since June 1st and plan to continue.

If you look up "sugar free diet" or "sugar free detox" or any other similar word combination, you will find A LOT of sites, blogs, plans, and testimonials.  It's actually pretty confusing what to follow and what not to.  Some say fruit is okay; some say don't have fruit during the detox.  Some say tea is okay; others say avoid caffeine.  Some say no beans or legumes during detox; some say they're okay.  Some suggest nuts for a snack; others say eat nuts, except peanuts or cashews.  Again, confusing.  I pulled recipes and suggestions from a variety of sources, but the plan I decided to follow for my detox was this one: Wellness with Rose: 21 Day Sugar Detox.  As you can see, that meant NO sugar, dairy, potatoes, alcohol, caffeine, and a whole lot of other 'NO' items.  I decided to do the detox, assess at the end of 21 days, and move forward with a healthier way of eating than previously.

I did it.  Go me.  Let's look at some of the positives and negatives of my experience...

Some say if you do something for three weeks, it becomes a habit. I'm here to tell you that is not always the case. I've been three weeks without sugar, dairy, caffeine, alcohol, but it certainly hasn't become a habit. It's a struggle. I still want sugar. I want bread. I want cheese. I want potatoes - mashed potatoes, french fries, baked potatoes, potato au gratin, potato rosti. I love all things potato. I want 3 ice cold cherry cokes. I want pizza. There was one day when all I could think about was cupcakes. I want ice cream.  I want wine.  And, of course, I want a giant plate of cheesy nachos.  

Yes, it's been a struggle and a fight. I'm still fighting.  There were withdrawal symptoms like headaches and lack of energy, especially in week 2 (but not as many headaches as I anticipated). The cravings continue.  I think I need a lot more than 3 weeks for those to stop, or at least, ease.  Believe me, it's not easy when your man eats McDonald's, KFC, Krispy Kreme, tator tots, cupcakes, and more. He's an adult and can eat what he wants, but dang, I want to steal some of his food right out of his hands!  I saw a picture of myself today, and I'm not happy with my body, so eating healthier is necessary. Time to look at the positives...

The good things:

• I lost 7.6 pounds (3.4 kilos). 
• I'm still in my big girl jeans, but they feel a little better/looser.  
• I've never really had problem skin, but my skin feels nicer, softer, smoother.  
• One habit I developed is drinking lots and lots of water.  That's a good thing.  
• I feel good about myself for accomplishing something that seemed pretty difficult to accomplish.  I fought the cravings and temptations.  
• Day 21, I went to a 1st birthday party. There were cakes, cake pops, and cupcakes. I wanted them all, but I didn't do it. I didn't feel all that disappointed about it after the fact. I felt good about myself for not breaking. 
• Making food and meals at home and bringing them for lunch saves money.  
• I learned to be more aware with labels and what I eat.
• I'm encouraged enough to keep eating this way, with a few minor changes, such as adding fruit for my morning meal.

I LOVE Mexican food, so my main protein for most of the meal used some form of Mexican food flavors.  I made chicken fajita meat in the slow cooker and used it in salads and lettuce wraps.  Homemade guacamole and salsa become my condiments of choice.  But, this was my favorite protein meal topper that I made.  So, I thought I'd share.  I took part of what I found on Rubies and Radishes and altered just a little to give even more flavor and vegetables.  You can play around with the amount of chili pepper, salsa, peppers, etc. to get your preferred heat. 

Spicy Mince Taco Meat in the Slow Cooker

Ingredients
2 lbs. ground beef, preferably grass-fed (find grass-fed beef here)
3 tablespoons tomato paste (I like this one – it’s organic and comes in a glass jar!)
1 tablespoon chili powder (I like this one – it doesn’t use any anti-caking agents, the ingredients are all spices!)
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1/4 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper - See more at: http://www.rubiesandradishes.com/2013/12/07/easy-slow-cooker-taco-meat/#sthash.TpWMmsb0.dpuf

INGREDIENTS:
1 lb. ground mince turkey
1 lb. ground mince pork
1/4 cup of salsa
1 large diced onion
1 large diced bell pepper (capsicum)
2 large diced carrots
2 diced & seeded serrano peppers
1 small can (drained) corn
3 tablespoons tomato paste (read the label to make sure of sugar content)
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1/4 teaspoon paprika

1. In a bowl, combine all the spices.
2. Add onion, bell pepper, carrot, serrano pepper, corn, salsa, tomato paste, meat, and spices to slow cooker.
3. Break up the meat and stir together.
4. Cook on low for four hours.
5. Use a slotted spoon to scoop from slow cooker.

 I ate this on top of salads and even on its own topped with guacamole.  It was spicy and yummy!  I found salad with a little more crunch (a combination of iceburg lettuce, cabbage, carrots, celery, onion) seemed to work really well with the spiciness of the meat.  I was seriously happy eating this. 

I don't know if this works for everyone or if I'll continue such a stringent plan.  But, overall, I feel like it is a step in the right direction of making healthier food choices. 

Ingredients
2 lbs. ground beef, preferably grass-fed (find grass-fed beef here)
3 tablespoons tomato paste (I like this one – it’s organic and comes in a glass jar!)
1 tablespoon chili powder (I like this one – it doesn’t use any anti-caking agents, the ingredients are all spices!)
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon coriander
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1/4 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper - See more at: http://www.rubiesandradishes.com/2013/12/07/easy-slow-cooker-taco-meat/#sthash.TpWMmsb0.dpuf