Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Book # 28

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green was on my "to read" list for a little while.  I was hesitant to read it because it seemed to be praised from reviewers and readers all over.  I was scared it wouldn't live up to my expectations.  I was wrong.  This book is tremendous.  I laughed; I cried; I stared off deep in thought on two separate occasions while this book sat in my lap.  The characters of Augustus and Hazel Grace are so well written; my silly little blog entry will not do them justice. 

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Book #16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27

I neglected the blog, but I kept on reading.  So, I'll try to catch up with my book list starting with the ones below.  Why do I keep this list?  Well, you can go back and read a blog posting from earlier in the year, OR I'll just tell you again:  A friend of mine has challenged herself to read 100 books this year.  I think that's awesome!  I read a lot, but I know I couldn't come close to that.  It got me thinkin' that at least I could keep track of what I read this year.

Book 16:   This is Gonna Hurt:  Music, Photography, and Life Through the Distorted Lens of Nikki Sixx by Nikki Sixx

Book 17:  Violent Exposure by Katherine Howell

Book 18:  Spoken from the Heart by Laura Bush

Book 19:  Alex Cross, Run by James Patterson

Book 20:  A Child Called It by David Pelzer
Book 21:  The Lost Boy by David Pelzer
Book 22:  A Man Named Dave by David Pelzer

Book 23:  Second Honeymoon by James Patterson and Howard Roughan

Book 24:  Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn

Book 25:  Gone by Jonathan Kellerman

Book 26:  Defending Jacob by William Landay

Book 27:  The Last Minute by Jeff Abbott

I've got three more, but I actually have something to say about each of post.....

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Thoughts # 1 - Battle with my Body

In this picture, I was 33 years old, and I thought I was fat.  I'd be happy to be that "fat" again.

Originally posted on my facebook page on April 16, 2013:

Warning - I'm just writing this as it flows out of me.  I may ramble.  I may have typos.  I may be sharing too much information.  But, here it goes...

I have body image problems.  Most women do. 

When I was in the best shape of my life, I was young, and I also exercised a lot using a whole variety of muscles.  At that time, I thought I was big.  Now, I look back, and I still have a warped view because I know I wasn't big, but that little mean girl voice in my head says "yeah, you weren't big, but you were still one of the biggest ones of the group".  Warped, I know.  But that's what the voice inside my head says.

When I was the thinnest of my life, it was because I loaded myself with diet pills.  Not exactly the best way to be thin.  That mean girl voice is still there.  This time it says although I was my thinnest, I still wasn't thin.  At my thinnest, in my adult life, I wore a size 6 (sometimes) or an 8 (mostly).  So, that's not really that "thin" at all comparing to all the size 2s and 0s out there.  But, I'd be very, very happy to be that size again. 

I've done most all the "diets" - Weight Watchers, Atkins, Cabbage Soup, Lite N Easy, and more.
As I stated before, I've taken diet pills - both medically supervised and some I bought online.
I've been borderline bulimic for years.

I'm now close to the biggest I've ever been in my life.  Actually, I'm 15 pounds less than the biggest, because I've lost 15 pounds since the start of the year.  I'm aware of all the things that I need to do to lose weight, better yet, to be healthy.  I struggle to do those things. 

I've had suggestions of diets, healthy eating, exercise programs, etc.  Unfortunately, I like food that is bad for me, and I don't particularly care for exercising.  That combination does not lend itself to a fit, healthy shape.  My mind and my body are at war. 

I'm not writing this for sympathy.  I'm not writing this to have people tell me lots of compliments.  I'm just letting it flow out of me because it's something that I hold in so much there's times I feel like I'm going to explode.  Or cry.  Or crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head.  I don't want to explode, or cry, and I'm at work, so I can't crawl in bed.  So, I'm taking ownership of these feelings and this problem, and I'm writing.

Now that I've spilled all of that out of me, maybe I weigh a pound or two less?  ;)  

Letter to blog (and anyone else who may actually read this blog)

Dear blog,

I've neglected you once again.  It's been four months since I've posted.  I think it's because the last blog post was interesting to me, and it took some time and effort.  But no one commented.  No one seemed to care.  That shouldn't matter.  It was a fun little exercise.

I've made some changes with you.  Your name.  Your url.  I'm still going to make lists, read books, and look at clothes.  But, I think I'm just going to start sharing whatever I want.  If no one comments and no one seems to care.  Oh well.  I'll just do it for myself.

Happy blogging to you and to me!


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