Swappin' Countries: Going Home

For anyone new around these parts, Erin is an American who lives in Australia, and Kristen is an Australian who lives in America.  The two of us regularly talk about our experiences and lives swapping countries. 

Well, not sure if "regularly" is the correct word because we both admit to being pretty inconsistent, but we have the best intentions to keep this series going.  (Is it a series if we've only had one post and one guest post?)

Both of us are traveling to our original homes in the next couple of months, so we thought we'd share our thoughts, feelings, and anticipations about that visit.

Erin's story:  It's been exactly two years since I've last been to Texas.  I am suffering from some serious homesickness, I ain't gonna lie about that.  Two years is a long time to go without a hug from my daddy, a laugh with my mama (in person), and the taste of chile con queso in my belly. 

Two years ago, my trip was planned around niece #1's high school graduation and a cousin's college graduation.  This year, my trip is planned around niece #2's high school graduation.  I will also get to spend Memorial Day in the good ol' U.S. of A.  As a bonus, my mom, my niece, my sister-in-law and I are having a quick San Francisco getaway together.  And, as a further bonus, three of my bestest girlfriends are meeting me in Northern Cali after the relatives go back to Texas, and I'll complete my trip with a couple of days in the Sonoma Valley with my girls. 

When I go home, there is no time for rest and relaxation.  I am constantly on the go, doing all the things and seeing all the people and eating all the food.  I love Texas food.  I may have an unhealthy relationship with it, but seriously, when I'm home, I gorge on alllll those things that I miss when I'm in Australia.

Neither of my parents live in Houston anymore.  I split my time between Huntsville (with my dad and stepmom) and Tyler (with my mom and her guy), and I squeeze in a little College Station time where my brother and his family lives.

Often, I get overwhelmed because I never get to see all the people I want to see or do all the things I want to do.  I have to prioritize, and in this situation, as cliché as it sounds, it's family first for me.

So, this might sound bad, but I also see the folks who are willing to be flexible and put effort in our relationship.  There are folks that I was really close to when I lived in Texas, yet I never hear from them anymore.  That's fine.  Our lives have gone in different directions.  So, I see the folks that are currently a part of my life, and not the ones that were once upon a time.

There is always some feelings of guilt.  I feel guilty by the pain in my father's voice, and the tears in my mother's eyes.  They support my happiness here, but we miss seeing once another more frequently, and I'd be lying if I didn't say I feel guilty about it.

And, when I visit Texas without my guy, I miss him.  Three weeks without your partner in life is a significant amount of time to be apart.  But, it's something we knew would be a part of our relationship with the reality of me living on the other side of the planet of so many of my loved ones.

The most difficult part of the trip?  Saying goodbye.  Especially when I don't have an exact plan of when I'll be there next.  So, so tough.  I get on that plane.  I sigh.  I reflect.  I may cry.  But, I head back to my second home where my husband, stepkids, fur babies, and life awaits. 

I feel fortunate to call two places home.  To have people that love and value me.  To love and value others.  Through the hardships, the feeling of gratitude for that love and appreciation outweighs all.

Kristen's story:  It has been almost 3 years since I last went home, and almost 5 and a half years since I left for good (though, I didn't know that at the time).

Like Erin, I am suffering from some pretty awful homesickness as well. I am very excited that I will be back in my home country, eating all the food I miss, hearing people talk like me, seeing words I recognise, driving on the side of the road I learned to drive on... all those things. But I am obviously most excited about seeing my family, especially my mum.

My mum and I have always been extremely close and living on the other side of the world has been so hard. Sometimes I wish it were different, but you can't help who you love. Mum loves America and has visited a few times since I moved here (only once to Louisville though) and her last trip was September 2016. I met up with her and a friend in LA & Vegas and we had a ball (and of course, fought a ton). The next plans were for KC and I to come home in June 2017, and then mum wanted to go to Graceland sometime in 2018.

my mum loves Toby Keith

We booked our flights for this June back in December. December 30th to be exact. As most of you know, my mum had a stroke early January. If we hadn't just booked our flights, this trip may not be happening. I probably would have hopped on a flight home immediately. I almost did, several times, but she was surrounded by family and I was able to talk to her immediately after the stroke and she told me not to come. Things got a bit worse before they got better, but she is doing really well. She is not home yet, and she is not back at work.

Before my mum's stroke, we had lots of plans - I wanted to take KC to see the Blue Mountains and the Hunter Valley. I wanted to do more touristy stuff because I didn't know when I would be back. I thought about doing another mini trip, like to Uluru or something. Busy busy busy, doing all the things and seeing all the people. Like Erin, I had friends that I was 'so close' with before I left, but they don't put any time and effort into the friendship when I am gone, so unfortunately when I am home, I don't make an effort to see them - time is far too precious for that. Moving across the world sure shows you who your people are.

Now, after my mum's stroke, we probably aren't going to go to the Blue Mountains or the Hunter Valley. We won't go to Uluru. We will probably spend most of our time at home. We had already booked New Zealand before my mum's stroke, and I don't want to waste any of the time I have with her. We will be in Australia for 2 weeks, and we are spending a few days in Melbourne like last time.

I am excited. I can't wait to see my mum, my nana, my cousins, uncles and aunties. I can't wait to see Pacey, my beautiful golden retriever. My cat Agatha couldn't give two shits about me and wouldn't come near me last time, which is definitely more than a little heartbreaking. My little brother is somewhere I'm not going to be able to visit him more than once and that also breaks my heart.

Saying goodbye is stupid hard. Flying home is crazy expensive, KC and I want to start a family soon and won't be able to travel as often. The thought of more long flights makes the butterflies in my stomach go crazy. My mum probably won't be able to travel for quite some time. The unknown, the I don't know when I will be back, when I will see my mum again, it's so freaking hard. I feel so guilty that I am not there. That my dog, Pacey, gets SO excited when she sees me (will she remember me this time?), but my cat Agatha could not care less. They are both getting older, and I am not there for them. Yes, I realise they are animals, but I'm not there for my mum, little brother or nana either.

Like Erin, I do feel fortunate that I can call two places home and that I have people who love me enough to miss me, and I them. Sometimes I have to work a little harder at my appreciation and not turn into a sulky child, but at the end of it all, there's no real solution. I am who I am because of where I've come from and where I am today. My heart - as corny as it sounds - is forever split between the two places. Instead of sulking about it, I will appreciate the visits home more than I ever appreciated actually living there.

As I'm sure you can tell, being an expat going home is all sorts of emotional. But I'm sure I speak for both of us when I say excitement about going home and doing all the things definitely outweighs all the not so great feelings. And of course, I am making Erin see me when I am in Sydney, and who wouldn't be excited about that?

Wise words from my brother

When Kristen and I decided to start a series about our lives "Swappin' Countries" as expats, I asked other bloggers to give us some questions and prompts to help kickstart us.  Welllllll...life happens...so, Kristen and I haven't been superb at keeping that series alive just yet, but we have a post in mind, coming soon...

I started answering one of those questions months ago (from Dani from Faster Than Forever) who asked:  "How did your family/loved ones take the news?" (that I was moving to the other side of the world) 

But, that post sat in draft unfinished.  Until I read Audrey's post "Get Out of There" because it got me thinking about our life choices about where we live and who we live life with.

When I announced that I was moving from Texas to Australia, I received varying degrees of support from loved ones.  Most of the family was less than thrilled. 

My mother cried and cried and didn't really know what to say except "please don't go."  This was the one and only time in my life that my always supportive father told me that I was disappointing him, and he meant it.  The conversation included me trying to be strong through tears streaming down my face, and I was collapsing inside.

My brother suggested that he and I go for a walk around his neighborhood. 

Back story: My brother met his wife when he was 18, got engaged at 20, and married at 21.  He worked at a big international accounting firm in a big city for a few years...then moved back to raise a family in College Station, Texas (a town of about 100,000).  He has 3 glorious children.  The family is close.  Top priority.  Their social activities revolve around school, church, and extra-curricular activities.  He and my sister-in-law have been married for 25+ years, and their relationship is an inspiration.  Their relationships with their children is a beautiful thing to witness.  Nobody, no one, no family is perfect.  They are the first to admit this.  But, they are as close to perfect as a collective whole as I've personally witnessed, and I am in awe of them.

So, when we took a walk around the neighborhood...I mentioned something about him being the "golden child" and the one that always made our parents proud and was never a disappointment.  He discussed that his life made him happy and fulfilled...but, he said he knew that if I led the life he had, I'd have been bored.  He said that he knew we were different.  The things that excited me or fueled my zest for life weren't necessarily his.  But, that there was nothing wrong with that.  There was nothing wrong with me wanting to take risks.  There was nothing wrong with me wanting to live in a different country.  Sure, I'd be missed, terribly, but I needed to live my life in a way that would be fulfilling and make me happy.  And, I was always welcome to come home.

Tears are falling as I remember this conversation from over 8 years ago.

In an ideal world, my loved ones wish that I lived closer.  But, it's the words of my brother, knowing that he "got me" that still fill my heart. 

Eventually, other family members have come around.  No one likes that I live so far away.  Heck, I don't like that I live so far away from them.  Sometimes, I think that me living so far from home actually encourages communication with some family members.  You know, the ones we take for granted that live close, yet we still don't see often?  I hear from some aunts and cousins more than I did when I lived in Texas.  Others, I don't hear from as much.  But, we all have to make an effort to maintain connections and relationships, regardless of distance.

The support from my brother, his calm and wisdom, will always be something that I cherish.  We don't talk much.  We don't have to.  He knows I am filled with imperfections and flaws, but I know he loves me unconditionally.  I do not take this for granted.

My mom says this is her favorite picture of us, so I recycle it every now and then.

Have you received wise words from a loved one at an important time in your life?  I encourage you to reflect on them and share them (if you feel moved to do so).

Expativersary

Eight years ago, I landed on Australian soil and began my life as an "expat".  Honestly, I'm not sure that I even knew the term "expat" then.  What I did know...this was going to be a massive life change and challenge with new adventures in store for me. 

The term "rollercoaster ride" is often used as a metaphor for life when we experience peaks and valleys, highs and lows, twists and turns, fear and exhilaration. The last 8 years of my life could be described by all of these things and more. 

And, would you look at that. Bon Jovi has a song on their new album titled "Roller Coaster", and it's one of my faves.  How fitting.   

Happy "expativersary" to me!

Confess Sesh: Expat Edition

I confess that I enjoy the "confessions" posts and link-up, but was getting a little burned out, so when Nadine & Kathy changed this to a monthly link-up, I supported that decision.

I confess that a wintery July is still something weird to me; I've been in Australia for 7 1/2 years, but opposite seasons are still odd.

I confess that I still don't accurately know how to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit.  That's what a smartphone is for.  I told my husband about this post, he tried to explain it to me, and this was my face:

Same goes for anything to do with the metric system.

I confess that I now call that space where I urinate or defecate the "toilet" (instead of the "restroom" or "bathroom").

Same goes for "rubbish" (instead of the American alternative as "trash"). 

I confess that I still don't understand Australian politics...something else the husband tries to educate me on...again, Brit Brit helps me out by showing my face when he tries to explain:

I confess that I still don't like to be called a "Yank".  This term does not accurately refer to all Americans.

I confess that I still think it's funny when people ask if I'm Canadian.  (I promise, I do not sound like I'm from anywhere close to Canada.) 

In all fairness...I confess that before I moved here, I couldn't tell much of a difference between Australian, British, and Kiwi accents.  (There's a big difference.)

I confess that I enjoy Australians' use of curse words...like, they aren't offended by curse words...and they don't think someone is "unladylike" because she curses.  Fuck yeah.

I confess that the bureaucracy of immigration stresses me out to no end.

I confess that I will pay $3 for a can of Dr Pepper because sometimes I really, really want a Dr Pepper.

I confess that I still get "sticker shock" over the cost of some things...like, $18 for a margarita.

I confess that I still love playing tourist and tour guide in this city (and should do it more often.)

I confess that I still believe Sydney, Australia is one of the most amazing cities in the world, I am blessed to call it my second home, and if you ever get an opportunity to visit, you should do it!

(Oh, hey, Chris Hemsworth, he's an Aussie, it's like this widget was made for this post!)

Wednesday link-up with Nadine & Kathy 

Australian vs. American English vol.2

Originally inspired by Kristen's post on Olya's blog about Expat Word Confusion, I wrote a blog post a while ago about those funny ways that both Australians and Americans speak English...but at times, we speak different versions of the same language.

I was inspired to write a second installment when I saw a Texas friend on facebook complain about June bugs.......

..............you know, those annoying insects that fly and scare the bejeezus out of you that show up the first month of summer, and they are called "June bugs"...well, the first month of summer in Australia is December, so they are called "Christmas beetles".

A "cell phone" is used in America; in Australia, they are called "mobile phones", and they are pronounced (mo-BILE) as in "rhymes with mile".

"Gasoline", as in the fuel for your car, Aussies call this "petrol"; so, you stop at a "petrol station" (instead of "gas station")...

...or "servo" (instead of "service center").


Oh, and the Australians love that use of "o" to shorten/abbreviate words....

Avo is an avocado

Muso is a musician; Journo is a journalist; Doco is a documentary; Ambo is ambulance

The Salvos is the Salvation Army

Arvo is afternoon

(A bottle shop is a liquor store)

At the "bottle-o", you could pick up some "grog" (because grog is an all-encompassing term for alcoholic beverages, and bottle-o is short for bottle shop)

source

They may serve "grog" at a "hotel" because sometimes a "hotel" is a "pub"; and sometimes a "pub" offers accommodation, so it's called a "hotel", but sometimes it doesn't have rooms, yet it may still be called a "hotel", or just a "pub".

source

If that one didn't confuse you enough, this one is still somewhat confusing to me at times.......

A ute is short for "utility vehicle"; sometimes, it is a truck, but often looks more like an El Camino

Enough for this volume? 

Well, if it wasn't, you can read volume 1 here...

...until next time.

source

Olympics as an expat

After this twitter exchange with Alyssa, I was reminded about a post I intended to write (but didn't).  Seriously, how often does this happen??  Anyway...that post was/is about watching the Olympic Games as an expat.

 If I was an organized blogger, I'd schedule it around the time the Olympics start showing, but I'm not.  So, here it is:

I pride myself on not being an American that feels like "We are Americans.  We are the best.  No other country matters but us."  But, when it comes to the Olympic Games, I find myself being uber-American.  I want America to win all the medals.  I want the telecasts to show all the American events (especially when medals are involved).  But, if you live in another country, that doesn't happen.  Australians want to watch Australians.  Can you believe that?! 

Here's a few of the things that I discovered watching the Olympics while living in another country:

• You know those little mini stories and bios that usually pull at your heartstrings that feature a personal story about athletes?  If you're in Australia, they're about Australian athletes.  Duh.

  

  This gif depicts the first ever gold medal won by an Australian, and it is a regular feature story.

• You know those extremely entertaining sports that are the top priority for my viewing: gymnastics (Summer Olympics) and figure skating (Winter Olympics)?  Well, they aren't all that frequently shown here.  And when they are, they show the Australian competitors...who usually aren't medal contenders, so they don't often show the full coverage of gymnastics and figure skating.  I know.  It's a travesty.
  

• I have more to say about this topic.  My most favorite Olympics viewing moments are watching gymnastics and figure skating.  I love the combination of artistry and athleticism.  I love watching the athlete perform a routine, then anxiously await the judges' score.  I like that this fills entire nights of excitement, thrills, and even spills.  I like that the commentators are often former medal winners and Olympians.  I don't get this here.  This is what I miss the most for my Olympic entertainment. 
  

• The television coverage here highlights the Australian medal contenders and winners (understandably so).  Sometimes, Americans are in the events (particularly snowboarding in Winter and swimming in Summer).  I've lived here long enough to be happy for Australian winners, but I'll admit it, if they are competing against an American, I want the American to win gold, and the Australian to win silver.
  

• Medal ceremonies...those times that an athlete has won a gold medal and he/she is standing on the podium with his/her hand over the heart and singing "The Star Spangled Banner"...and the viewer gets goosebumps as the camera zooms in on the parents in tears and the crowd waving American flags...nope, you don't see that here. 
  

• Yes, when something monumental takes place, like beating a World Record or Michael Phelps being awarded the medal that makes him the recipients of the most medals of any Summer Olympian, it's just good journalism for that to be televised.  And, it is.  But, you don't get all the stories and interviews and feel-good American hoopla surrounding it (when you don't live in America).
  

• BIG events, like the "world's fastest man" or the 4x100m swimming relay are televised live.  But, living in a land with a timezone that rarely comes close to any timezone that the event is taking place, often the result gets "spoiled" by the time I watch it.  Unless I avoid all social media, news commentary, and turn off all alerts on my phone, I get spoilers.
  
  
  
  
  
   Do you watch the Olympics?  What's your favorite part of the Games to watch?

Australian Anniversary

This week marks the anniversary of my arrival to live in Australia.  Seven years.  In some ways, it seems just like yesterday that I embarked on this new adventure.  In other ways, it seems that I've been here a looooong time.  I thought I'd take us on a pictorial journey of some of my many highlights in Australia....warning: "heaps" of pictures coming atcha!...all were taken by me and my iphone (or my phone was given to someone else to take) with the exception of a couple of paid touristy shots that I've designated with a *.......
What have I been doing the last seven years?

I've seen some spectacular views:

I've stared at blue water and contemplated my life:

I've attended the Vivid Light Festival:

I've made friends with some wildlife:

And ran scared from others:

I've explored caves:

I've hung out with these handsome boys under blue, cloudless skies:

I've watched the World Cup on massive screens at Darling Harbour:

I've watched the Sydney fireworks for NYE from my bedroom window three years consecutively (this is no longer the view from my bedroom):

I've had picnics in the grass:

I've gone to music festivals with friends:

I've seen this view from an airplane window:

I've got in a tank with one of my bestest Texas friends...and some aquatic life*:

I've worn a "stinger suit" in the Whitsundays (not knowing if that was to protect me from stingrays or jelly fish stings):

I've slid down the Stockton Sand Dunes:

I've hugged a giant koala:

I've celebrated the 4th of July with other Sydney Americans:

I've displayed the Stars & Stripes on September 11th:

I've attended an Australian (rules) Football game:

I've met up with other graduates of Texas A&M University:

I've celebrated Australia Day:

I've put my toes in the sand of several Australian beaches:

I've hiked to lighthouses:

I've seen fog over the Blue Mountains:

I've stood in the Pacific Ocean with my mom and stepmom:

I've stopped and admired unique architecture with beautiful scenery:

I've been a bridesmaid:

I've climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge*:

I've wandered through the most beautiful cemetery I've ever seen:

I've been stopped by tourists from Beijing asking to take their photo with me:

I've sipped cocktails under Palm trees and blue skies:

I've watched giraffes at sunset in Taronga Zoo:

I've experienced shock and horror by inflated Sydney prices:

I've been to Luna Park:

I've learned that winter can look like this:

I've met Jay, the koala, with my mama*:

I've been to the Great Barrier Reef:

I've eaten dinner with my dad and stepmom while overlooking the Sydney Opera House:

I've been on a Dolphin Cruise in Nelson Bay:

I've enjoyed ferry rides and water taxis:

I've seen kangaroo in the bush:

I've met Australian rock royalty, Kirk Pengilly of INXS:

I've become a public train commuter:

I've read a book while soaking my feet in Sydney Harbour:

I've been on a harbour boat cruise for a friend's birthday celebration:

I've danced the night(s) away with a great group of girlfriends:

 I've been to a rugby match:

I've adopted three kitties:

I've become a mama to two mutts:

I've become a stepparent:

I've found the man that challenges me, loves me, completes me...and I married him:

All of this and so much more. I've lived an enriching life since December 2008. I've learned, laughed, and loved. 

 

All the while, I've missed my family & friends, Tex-Mex, college football, and more.  I feel extremely fortunate to know I have loved ones and a place to call "home" in more than one place in this great big beautiful world.