Thoughts #8 - Charlotte

Photo from  Getty Images Entertainment - Photo by Don Arnold

I moved to Australia December 2008.  I'm still not "in the know" about many Australian celebrities.  Prior to this past weekend, Charlotte Dawson is someone I was aware of.  What I knew:  she was a judge on Australia's Next Top Model, she was a former model, and she was the ex-wife of a former Olympic swimmer surrounded by his own controversies. Also, I knew she was the victim of some vicious "trolling" activity against her on social media.

What I know now:  She was 47 years old, and her lifeless body was found in her apartment on Sunday the 23rd of February; apparent suicide.  This news report gives a good background of her life, death, and problems she faced:  Charlotte Dawson Found Dead After Long and Public Battle with Depression.

As I write this blog, over 150,000 signatures have been added to a petition calling for stronger cyber bullying legislation - Charlotte's Law.

Another article that I feel was beautifully written is this one:  "I didn't know Charlotte, but this is why I cried for her today".

Photo from Getty Images Entertainment - Photo by Lisa Maree Williams

That's the background...here are my thoughts:

I know "celebrity" deaths are not uncommon.  I know everyday there are many non-celebrities who commit suicide.  This story is just one of those stories about a person who was struggling in the public eye, was brutally attacked on social media (that whole 'sticks and stones' saying ain't true; words can hurt...they can hurt a lot), and still she wasn't saved from her own sadness and hopelessness.  It's made me think so much about how we treat others; how flippant, ugly comments hurt; how mental illness is not something to be ashamed of; how treating someone with kindness may help them endure their own burdens; how asking for help when you need it is critical...there's so many lessons to learn from Charlotte's story.

 "Trolls" and bullies have to be stopped. They are hurtful, hateful, damaging, and dangerous. If a grown woman, seemingly successful and beautiful, was hurt so much by such grotesque remarks, think about teenagers and children who are bullied. Think about their coping skills. Think about the damage it does to their self-esteem and what long-lasting effects such words and actions can cause. 


A friend of mine posted this on facebook, and I agree with her words, so I'll share them:  

"I have signed it (the petition) for the simple fact that I think sitting behind a computer and telling someone who was so sensitive and fragile minded to go "hang herself or shove her head in a toaster and eliminate herself from this world is kind of pathetic and cowardly. I have seen people comment on bullying and telling the victim to "harden the fuck up" or get over it. Some of us are not so tough, some of us take things differently. I have also seen comments of "freedom of speech" etc. Yep an opinion is one thing but attacking someone is a complete different story. I know people who have mental illnesses. I know people have felt there was no other choice but to end their lives. I don't want this to be someone I love and care for in the future." 

Being kind is free.  Awareness takes a little thought and a little effort, but is so important.  Treat others with kindness. Think before you speak. Embrace differences. If you need help, ask. 

Two websites and hotlines you can use anonymously -
Australia:  http://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help
USA:  http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 

Thoughts #7 - Courage

When I was in 7th grade, I moved to a new town and enrolled in a new school.  I had to make new friends which took a little courage on my part.  One girl who reached out to me almost immediately was named Michelle.  I had some sleepovers at Michelle's, and we'd exchange notes like most junior high girlfriends did back then.  Michelle would draw these balloon-type animals and dinosaurs on her notes.  I still have one of those tucked away in my keepsakes.

Michelle was diagnosed with leukemia.  Two years after befriending me, she was gone.  Michelle faced this ugly disease with such strength, courage, and grace - traits that I had not experienced to this magnitude at my tween stage.  It's been over 25 years since Michelle passed away, but I still think of her sweet, yet courageous nature.

The Leukaemia Foundation of Australia annually hosts the World's Greatest Shave, a fundraising event where people color or SHAVE their hair in support of those suffering from blood cancers and brings recognition to the courage needed to face the world with such a disease.  This event has raised over $2 million dollars.  

This year, I know a brave girl who is participating, raising money, and willing to shave her head for the cause.  It takes courage for a beautiful twentysomething to participate and shave her head.  Talia may end up being the hottest bald girl I know!  Please follow this link: donate here on Talia's behalf.  Anything helps - even if it's $10.

Book # 46

#46 - Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell - If you don't bother to click on the link provided, let me provide the synopsis you'd find there:   Set over the course of one school year in 1986, ELEANOR AND PARK is the story of two star-crossed misfits – smart enough to know that first love almost never lasts, but brave and desperate enough to try. When Eleanor meets Park, you’ll remember your own first love – and just how hard it pulled you under.

I adored this book.  Eleanor and Park were such endearing characters.  There's not many books that I'd read for a second time, but this is one that I will keep on my shelf to read again in the future.  If you like teen fiction, love stories, awkward but adorable characters, and an emotion-filled read, then this book is for you.

Book #43 & #44 & #45

#43 - Victims by Jonathon Kellerman - his wife, Faye, writes and his son, Jesse, does too, but I prefer Jonathan Kellerman's thriller mysteries to the other family members.  I had some catching up to do in the Alex Delaware series, so I read two of them back to back.  This was a creepy psycho thriller, and I enjoy creepy. 

 

 #44 - Guilt by Jonathan Kellerman -  I preferred this one to the previous.  Much like the tactics of Law and Order SVU, this book steals some headlines, families, places, people from the headlines, tweaks them a little to become fictional places, characters, and stories.  Creepy again, and again, I enjoyed it.

#45 - Rockettes, Rockstars, and Rockbottom by Keltie Colleen - Super quick and easy to read (I read it in a day and a half), this memoir is written very much like a blog (well, the author is a blogger, as well as a dancer, performer, and now entertainment correspondent).  After disastrous relationships, she learns lessons from each.  She spells out those lessons for the reader (which I don't need; I prefer to view the situation and draw my own conclusions and lessons, but hey - this is her book, not mine).  I did genuinely feel her heartache and pain in some circumstances, and I assume most who have had a heartbreak would to.

Book #42

Book #42 (and the first book of 2014) - A Piece of Cake by Cupcake Brown - Cupcake Brown's life completely unraveled at the age of 11 when she discovered her mother dead.  She experiences abandonment as well as sexual, physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. She descends into prostitution, gang activity, criminal behaviour, and severe drug and alcohol abuse.  She perseveres and overcomes.  This is her story.

I liked the book; I like memoirs.  I have tremendous respect for the author's dedication to drag herself out of the gutter (literally and figuratively).  With the painful experiences early in life, it is no surprise the path her life took.  The only thing that bothered me is she never seems to totally express remorse for her criminal behaviour and gang banging activity.  She tells you what happens (mostly), and seems to take responsibility (somewhat), but I didn't feel any remorse or empathy.  I believe we all have lessons to learn and room to grow.  Without a doubt, she has learned SO much, but I think there's still room to grow.  In my extremely humble opinion, she had poor excuses for adult role models in her life for a significant amount of time.  She never experienced her tormentors (biological father, foster parents, foster sister and other siblings, ex-husband, etc.) taking responsibility for the harm, damage, and abuse towards her.  Therefore, she hasn't quite grasped that lesson of showing remorse or empathy.  Just my take, my opinion.

I think this book is a great example of one person taking responsibility for their own life (with the help of a support system) and overcoming adversity that no one person should experience. 

Thoughts # 6 - Strangers

We can all relate - whether we grow up or grow apart - life changes, interests change, priorities change - so friends change too.  Sometimes it is necessary.  Sometimes there are toxic people in our lives that we need to get rid of.  Sometimes it's just a part of life, and that's okay.  Sometimes it's very sad, even hurtful to lose a friend.  Friendships experience an array of emotions, so why shouldn't there be a variety of emotions experienced when we lose that friend too?

During the last several years, I've experienced a crazy, stupid amount of change.  Some as a normal part of life; some based on my own decisions (good, bad, or really ugly); and some unexpected.  I've mentioned on my blog before, and I'll probably mention again, that I have done a lot of self-analysis.  I've grown a lot.  I've worked hard at it.  And, I acknowledge that I will continue to analyze, work, and grow.  I'm happy about that path too.

With that growth, I've learned how to look at some things in a positive way.  Sometimes, I have to force myself to do it, but I feel better for it.  Losing some friendships along the way, I've learned to not focus on the sadness, the hurt, the void that is left behind.  I've learned to focus on the memories; to appreciate and value some of the amazing experiences I've had with some tremendous individuals.  There are a handful that I thought would be in my life forever.  Yes, it's sad, even hurtful, and I do feel their absence.  But, I choose to remember those special times, those treasured moments, and consider myself lucky to have those memories. 

 

Books #40 & #41

 # 40 - The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon - this book was recommended to me. The narrator is a teenage boy with Asberger's Syndrome. It was certainly different, interesting, and insightful. 

 

#41 - Jellico Road by Melina Marchetta (also published as "On the Jellicoe Road") - it took a while for me to get into the story, but once I did I loved it. The last two-thirds of the book is fantastic. For those of you whole enjoy a teen fiction book every now and then, I highly recommend it.