Awareness

Source - National Sexual Violence Resource Center

I caught up with a friend on Monday. She is an American living in Australia as well.  Approximately two years ago, she was a college student (still in America), and she was sexually assaulted.  She reported her assault to police, was questioned by over five different police officers including a sergeant and a detective (all male) and had the invasive rape kit conducted at a medical center.  In her interview, some questions posed to her were about sexual positions and specific times that each act occurred.  She tells me that the interviews were as emotionally damaging as the actual rape itself.

Police were trying to be thorough and get details.  Fine.  As long as they are just as thorough with their investigation into the allegation and with the accused.

No one from law enforcement ever initiated any follow-up with her.  She called the detective in charge a number of times to ask about her case.  Eventually, she was told that there was not enough evidence to press charges.  Her alleged perpetrator only spoke to police after agreeing to do so with his lawyer present.  His version was that everything that happened was consensual, then they got in an argument, he left abruptly, so she accused him of rape.   One interview was conducted with the perpetrator (in comparison to the five interviews that my friend experienced; six if you count the rape kit/test/and questioning at the medical center.)  During that interview, he was never questioned about sexual positions or specific times that each act occurred. 

I wasn't there.  I don't know exactly what happened.  I am hearing one side of the story.

What I do know is my friend is a smart, educated, well-spoken, reliable, ambitious person.  She has never given me any reason to doubt her word or her integrity.  I support her and believe that she deserved to be treated with respect and fairness.  I do not believe this has happened for her since reporting the incident. 

The rape kit cost her personally $900 (it was a total fee of $1600, but insurance covered $700.)  She applied for "victim's assistance" but was denied due to the police determining there was not enough evidence to file charges.

Her parents have doubted her, have blamed her for having a boy in her apartment alone after she had been drinking with him. Her brother has told her "she's different", "angry", and not as fun as she used to be.  As if, these things are her fault as well.  Her response is "damn right" she feels different and angry.

Sadly, so many of us know people who have experienced the same.  I know people who have similar experiences.  Some of us have our own personal experiences as a victim as well.  It has to stop.

I don't have all the answers.  I know these cases must be difficult to prove.  I know both parties deserve respect and have the right to be treated fairly and lawfully.  But, I am so, so, so tired of stories like this one.  And, I didn't read this one in the newspaper or online.  I heard it from the mouth of someone I know, someone I respect, and someone I care about. 

Awareness is key.  Education is imperative.  Knowledge must help.  So, I've shared this story from my friend to add to the awareness of the sickening situation.  And, I encourage you to read Steph's post Sexual Assault Awareness - Do We Need a Month for This? because she shares a lot of research and statistics. 

Most importantly, what can I do?  I can support my friend.  I can let her know that I value her.  That I admire her courage and strength.  That I am always available for a phone call, a cup of tea, or a drink.  I can encourage therapy if she feels that's something she is interested in pursuing.  I can locate resources for her.  I can hold her hand and tell her that I believe her.  Right now, I think that's what she has valued from me the most.  She doesn't think the police believed her.  She doesn't think her parents believe her.  She needs to feel that someone believes in her, and I am honored to step up to the plate in that role for her. 

I confess that I am still pissed off

In the "I'm still pissed off that rapist Brock Turner is free" news:

I was thinking about this the other day...I used to be a caseworker at a juvenile prison.  I was thinking about the many, many teens that I had on my caseload that were locked up longer than Brock Turner and the crimes that they committed.  Oh, I definitely had some that deserved to be in jail for a long time.  Most definitely.  Some scary dudes. 

I also had a kid that stole rollerblades from his next door neighbor's garage. 

And, another who was arrested for possession of marijuana, the smallest amount possible that one can be cited for, but he was arrested for this same thing multiple times.  He smoked pot.  That seemingly was all he ever did wrong.  It's illegal to smoke pot in Texas, and yes, there should be consequences for breaking the law.  But, when I compare Brock Turner to this mary  jane enthusiast, and the fact that this 16 year old was sent to a statewide juvenile jail for 9-12 months (minimum), and Brocky boy is out in 3, it just doesn't make sense. 

Even the teens that were locked up for let's say "unlawful use of a motor vehicle" (they stole a car), again, they broke the law and should be punished.  But, the victim of a car theft will not be scarred the rest of one's life to the capacity that Brock Turner's victim will.  I know.  I've had a car stolen.  Those guys served longer sentences than Brock Turner.

In Texas (I'm speaking about Texas because that's where I was a caseworker), if a teen is tried, convicted, and sent to a juvenile justice institution, the minimum stay that he can receive is 9 months.  For a teen convicted of the same crimes that Brock Turner was convicted, he'd be given a "determinate sentence" (the minimum of this served would be one year), and he'd be required to receive sex offender counseling before release.  If he did not complete the required counseling and follow his case plan that included education and socialization skills, then he would not be allowed for parole review.  He would serve years until this required treatment plan was adequately completed as deemed by the "treatment team" consisting of his caseworker, a teacher, a supervisory staff member (guard), and a medical staff member.  He could potentially be transferred to adult prison once he turned the age of 18 or 19 (depending on the case) if he did not complete his treatment plan as required.  He could not get time docked for "good behavior". 

How can an adult, like Brock Turner, not be held as accountable as a teenager committing the same act of violence?

For a minute, when I was thinking about writing this post, I thought "hmmm aren't we tired of hearing about Brock or talking about him?"  But, I realized, that we must continue talking about it.  We mustn't let this become just another story that we accept.  We must let our voices be heard again and again that we think that it is un-fucking-acceptable that a person can sexually assault another person while they are unconscious and can give absolutely no consent.  We must let our voices be heard that when this rapist is caught in the act, stopped, arrested, charged, tried, and convicted that we do not accept his excuses and justifications.  That we do not listen to his daddy about how his son shouldn't be judged based on "20 minutes of action".  It can take less than 20 minutes to shoot and murder someone.  Should that person not be judged for that action either, Mr. Turner?  Ridiculous.

Brilliant

And, we mustn't forget the most important voice of all - the victim's.  I will continue to remind myself of her pain and read her full statement because I don't want to forget what she endured, and I don't want to forget that justice wasn't served for her.



Not your usual fun confessions post, eh?  Well, I'm still linking up with Nadine & Kathy anyway.  Happy Humpday!

Thoughts #24 - Guilty

From time to time, I get serious on this blog.  This is one of those times.

Australia reports news from the US.  Plus, I regularly read skim US news daily.  I hadn't paid close attention to the Vanderbilt rape case until recently while the trial for Vanderburg and Batey was happening.  Since that time, I've read news reports and opinion pieces.  I wasn't there; this is a quick summary based on the articles that I've read.

College student female (name withheld for the privacy of the victim) and college student athlete male (Vandeburg) return to the male's dorm room after a night out drinking heavily.  The female victim was carried into the room by the male.  She was passed out unconscious.  She was sexually assaulted and urinated on by Vandeburg's friends.  Vandeburg instructed, took pictures and video which he forwarded to other friends.  Female victim remembers none of this.  It wasn't until campus security was reviewing video footage in the dorm for another possible crime (theft or burglary) that the case was brought to the attention of authorities.

Photo:  Tennesean file photos

Vandeburg and Batey have been tried and convicted on all charges, including aggravated rape and aggravate sexual battery (awaiting their sentences).  Two others are awaiting trial, and another couple plead to lesser charges because they received images or video and tried to hide it or get rid of it.

If you want to read about the case yourself, just google.  Or read this -> "Vanderbilt rape trial: Defendants found guilty on all charges".  In fact, the Tennesean has complete coverage of the case and trial (Vanderbilt University is located in Tennessee).

I tell you what keeps feeling like a punch in the gut - this could have been me; this could have been one of my close friends.  This poor girl, the victim, didn't know it happened to her until police provided photographic and video proof to her.  She drank a lot.  She couldn't remember.  She may have been drugged (although, there was no evidence to prove this).  But, she claims she still doesn't remember things that she can see for her own eyes did occur based on the photos and videos.  She believed the story from her boyfriend at the time that she got drunk, vomited, passed out, and he had to take care of her.

I have been that girl.  I have been drunk, and vomited, and passed out, and a boyfriend had to take care of me.  More times than I should have.  This girl was on the Vanderbilt dance team; I was on my university's dance team.  I relate to her.  I have been stupid and irresponsible with my alcohol intake.  I've thrown my intelligence and caution out the door and put myself in dangerous and downright dumb places.  I would have assumed that anything that happened to me was my own fault for putting myself in such precarious situations.

Also, I have done incredibly stupid things while intoxicated.  Things I would have never done sober.  I take responsibility for those actions.

Also, I've experienced blackouts where I truly do not remember what has happened.  This is not a good mental place to be.  It is not a good place to put myself in.  It is not good place to be in if someone has manipulated or drugged you into submission.

When I was in university/college, we didn't have cell phones and social media to have photographic or video proof.  How many times has this happened, and no one knew about it?  How many times does this continue to happen?

A few simple rules for ALL of us to remember:

• It is NOT okay for alcohol or drugs to be used as an excuse for illegal behavior.
• It is NOT okay to physically or sexually assault someone while they are unconscious.
• It is NOT okay to stick a water bottle up someone's anus without his/her consent.  (Yes, this is brutal, but this is one of the assaults that happened in this case)
• It is NOT okay to NOT report an incident if you receive pictures or videos or an unconscious person being physically manhandled and sexually assaulted.
• It is NOT okay to be involved in such activity but show little to no remorse, or downplay your part and actions in the assault.
• It is NOT okay to blame the victim.

There are many, many girls in the university system that this could happen to/does happen to. If only there were investigative teams like those in this case to do the right thing.

I have much respect for the legal team that prosecuted this case, the detectives that investigated, and the victim advocates that counseled and continue to work with the victim.  The victim...from everything that I've read, after she realized the extent of what happened, she has faced this with courage and strength.  Her words - a written statement - after the guilty verdicts were announced:

"Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout this difficult process. I'm thankful that the criminal justice system will hold the defendants responsible for their violent crimes. The hard work of the law enforcement officers, prosecutors and victims' advocates who dedicated so many months of their lives to this case has made justice possible.
I want to especially thank detective Jason Mayo, Sgt. Mike Shreeve, Detective Chad Gish, Deputy District Attorney Tom Thurman, Assistant District Attorneys Jan Norman and Roger Moore and victims' advocates Wanda Swan, Lt. Rochelle Barrios and Teresa Shearon. You are my heroes and I am so proud of and grateful for each of you.
"I am also hopeful that the publicity this case has received will lead to a discussion of how we can end sexual violence on college campuses. Finally, I want to remind other victims of sexual violence: You are not alone. You are not to blame."

 So many lessons to learn from this one case.  So many lessons.