Stuff and Things New with Me

I keep meaning to write about my thoughts and feelings about closing a small business.  I keep meaning to write about what the future holds for me (in the professional sense.)  I keep meaning to do these two things, but I haven't because, if I'm being honest, my thoughts and focus are scattered.  So, here's my stream of consciousness...random, jumbled, wordy and all.  No pretty pictures or funny gifs included.  My bad.

My husband and his father opened their store 12 years ago.  I joined the team 7ish years ago.  Throughout those years, in addition to me, there would only be one other employee, in a part-time capacity.  So, we were truly a small business, family owned and operated. 

Every sale mattered.  Every repair mattered.  Every customer mattered.  Because they paid for every aspect of our livelihood.  There was no set, stable, guaranteed income.  But, it wasn't just about money.  It was about our name.  Our family.  Our reputation.  Our business. 

And, when it comes to the product that we were providing...fine jewellery...often the purchase was made to commemorate an important occasion.  An engagement.  A wedding.  A birthday.  An anniversary.  A gift to oneself after earning a bonus that required hard work and commitment.  A gift to oneself to just "treat yo self".  A graduation.  And more.  We truly wanted the items from our store that marked these important events to be unique, special, quality, and memorable. 

There are not enough words to describe my husband's commitment and work ethic.  I won't even try.  Nothing I could say could do justice to how hard he worked, how committed he was to doing his best, providing the most, giving his all to the business.

Working with him, we learned that we truly made a good team.  We knew each others' strengths and weaknesses.  We bounced off each other well.  We knew how to depend on each other when needed and when to give each other space and autonomy.  Working together truly prepared us for marriage in some ways, without question.  I think that we made such a great team professionally in some aspects, that it convinced us that yes, we'd make great life partners too.

Deciding to close shop wasn't an easy decision.  Not at all.  Reviewing things that went wrong.  Recognizing things that should have been done differently.  Examining the business, trade, and market.  But, once the decision was made, we were ready for it.  The final day those doors closed, we were celebrating.  There was even an impromptu dance session to "The Final Countdown" mixed in there the last week.

What does the future hold? 

We have several ideas and ventures in mind. But, for now, I think we are both in a space that we want one of us (me!) to have steady, stable, known income...even if it isn't a big income...while the husband pursues other ventures in the jewellery trade that are a gamble.  He has some custom orders already established that he will be working on in our home workshop.  He has other opportunities that have been offered to him, and he has some new ideas for a different type of jewellery product launch as well. 

So, I will be on the job hunt.  I started resume writing today.  I haven't written a resume for myself in over a decade.  I reached out to a few people that I've worked with in the past to ask for a few adjectives/buzzwords to describe me.  I gotta admit: I'm pretty humbled, astonished, and quite frankly, proud of their responses. 

I have decades worth of sales experience from building materials to fine jewellery.  I've got a BA in Sociology and years ago worked as a caseworker at a juvenile prison.  A few years ago, I completed a Diploma of Tourism (similar to an Associate's Degree) because the travel industry has always interested and excited me.  Getting a focus on the avenue(s) I want to pursue is my challenge at the moment.  But, I'm confident I'll work through it. 

So, that's "Stuff and Things" that are "New with Me".  How about you?

Linking..... with Kristen and Gretchen:

Linking..... with  Kristin:

Stuff and Things vol.5: Swear Words and Politics Included

• I think I'm at version #5 of "Stuff & Things", but I'm not 100% sure.  I could check, but I'm lazy.
• If you don't like "f" bombs or profanity, don't read any further.
• I posted this in December 2015, and I'm gonna post it again:  "Trump is a fucking embarrassment. He is a fucking idiot. Fuck him, fuck his hair, fuck his terrible spray tans, fuck his racism, fuck his bankruptcies, fuck "The Apprentice", fuck the political climate that has developed where people are actually supporting him. #goawaytrump". 
• Too bad I didn't include "fuck his misogyny" or that statement from 2015 would be my exact same feelings today.
• If he is actually elected President, I wonder if the FBI will come knocking on my door because of that above statement. 
• In my voting lifetime, my home state has been a "red state".  I have always considered myself independent.  I have voted Republican in the past.  Although, we are all products of our environment (hello, my name is Erin, and I majored in Sociology), I feel like I am willing to look at candidates regardless of the political party they represent. 
• That being said, I am disgusted, dismayed, disappointed, and disheartened in the Republican Party that Donald Trump is their nominee for President. How, how, howwwwww did they not have a person better prepared for this election?
• SO many of the supporters of Trump (as evidenced by my facebook feed) support him because they hate Hillary.  They think she's crooked, a criminal, a liar, a murderer, a career politician, etc., etc., etc.  They can't get past their hatred of her or all things Clinton to examine the real Donald Trump.
• Well, I can't look past my disgust with Donald Trump and the disappointment I feel towards the Republican Party for choosing him as the nominee for President of the United States of America.
• Things shared by me this week:

• This looks awfully photoshopped, but I'm sharing it anyway. 

• Y'all have heard me talk about this musical genius that I love named Butch Walker.  Background info:  He and Pink are besties.  She made a comment on her ig, and followers got upset, and she gave a pseudo apology.  Well, he went OFF on Instagram this week, and it's worth having a look.  My favorite line:  "And the irony of it all is YOU TELL CELEBS TO "STICK TO WHAT THEY KNOW".... Yet, a lot of you are willing to vote into Presidency A FUCKING REALITY TV STAR. Fucking hypocrites."
• I'm a fucking hypocrite for sharing that badly photoshopped "#protectyourpussy" meme because I have been very vocal about my criticisms of irresponsible sharing of memes in this political climate.
• Thank you to the male athletes that have spoken out...  From the Huffington Post:  Pro Athletes Say No One Talks Like Trump in Locker Rooms
• Y'all knew this was coming, right?  From the NY Times:  Two Women Say Donald Trump Touched Them Innappropriately
• Hey Steph, I'm a member of that army you speak of.  If y'all don't know what I'm talking about, then read Steph's post. 

• Enough about politics, here's a meme for all to enjoy:

Linking up with  Kristin & Joey

I confess that I am still pissed off

In the "I'm still pissed off that rapist Brock Turner is free" news:

I was thinking about this the other day...I used to be a caseworker at a juvenile prison.  I was thinking about the many, many teens that I had on my caseload that were locked up longer than Brock Turner and the crimes that they committed.  Oh, I definitely had some that deserved to be in jail for a long time.  Most definitely.  Some scary dudes. 

I also had a kid that stole rollerblades from his next door neighbor's garage. 

And, another who was arrested for possession of marijuana, the smallest amount possible that one can be cited for, but he was arrested for this same thing multiple times.  He smoked pot.  That seemingly was all he ever did wrong.  It's illegal to smoke pot in Texas, and yes, there should be consequences for breaking the law.  But, when I compare Brock Turner to this mary  jane enthusiast, and the fact that this 16 year old was sent to a statewide juvenile jail for 9-12 months (minimum), and Brocky boy is out in 3, it just doesn't make sense. 

Even the teens that were locked up for let's say "unlawful use of a motor vehicle" (they stole a car), again, they broke the law and should be punished.  But, the victim of a car theft will not be scarred the rest of one's life to the capacity that Brock Turner's victim will.  I know.  I've had a car stolen.  Those guys served longer sentences than Brock Turner.

In Texas (I'm speaking about Texas because that's where I was a caseworker), if a teen is tried, convicted, and sent to a juvenile justice institution, the minimum stay that he can receive is 9 months.  For a teen convicted of the same crimes that Brock Turner was convicted, he'd be given a "determinate sentence" (the minimum of this served would be one year), and he'd be required to receive sex offender counseling before release.  If he did not complete the required counseling and follow his case plan that included education and socialization skills, then he would not be allowed for parole review.  He would serve years until this required treatment plan was adequately completed as deemed by the "treatment team" consisting of his caseworker, a teacher, a supervisory staff member (guard), and a medical staff member.  He could potentially be transferred to adult prison once he turned the age of 18 or 19 (depending on the case) if he did not complete his treatment plan as required.  He could not get time docked for "good behavior". 

How can an adult, like Brock Turner, not be held as accountable as a teenager committing the same act of violence?

For a minute, when I was thinking about writing this post, I thought "hmmm aren't we tired of hearing about Brock or talking about him?"  But, I realized, that we must continue talking about it.  We mustn't let this become just another story that we accept.  We must let our voices be heard again and again that we think that it is un-fucking-acceptable that a person can sexually assault another person while they are unconscious and can give absolutely no consent.  We must let our voices be heard that when this rapist is caught in the act, stopped, arrested, charged, tried, and convicted that we do not accept his excuses and justifications.  That we do not listen to his daddy about how his son shouldn't be judged based on "20 minutes of action".  It can take less than 20 minutes to shoot and murder someone.  Should that person not be judged for that action either, Mr. Turner?  Ridiculous.

Brilliant

And, we mustn't forget the most important voice of all - the victim's.  I will continue to remind myself of her pain and read her full statement because I don't want to forget what she endured, and I don't want to forget that justice wasn't served for her.



Not your usual fun confessions post, eh?  Well, I'm still linking up with Nadine & Kathy anyway.  Happy Humpday!

Thursday Thoughts on Tuesday vol.5

Nope.  It's not Thursday.  But, Jana and I have a playlist to share this Thursday, so we're having Thursday Thoughts on Tuesday.  Yes, I could've skipped it this week, but I had thoughts to share.

• Are you over the story about Ryan Lochte and his co-horts yet?  Yes?  Well, I just have one thing to say...(and I already said it on twitter)...If I live long enough to never hear "boys will be boys" used to justify inexcusable behavior ever again, then I will die a happy woman.  What arrogant pricks.

• Speaking of pricks........I'm going to guess most all of you were able to avoid this news story that happened in Melbourne.  Let me share it with you so you can be infuriated with me:  Judge sympathises with Children's Court guard who had sex with 'wordly' 14-year-old  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, rape culture continues to be alive and well...sentences for offenders continue to be laughable.  Apparently, this magistrate went to the same "how to be a douche bag judge" school as the judge who gave Brock Turner (the Stanford swimmer rapist) his ridiculous punishment.  I give zero fucks if this 14 year old girl lied about her age and was overtly sexual or promiscuous. She was outside the Children's Court when she met the 32 year old man.  Maybe she was at the Court because her parents are in the midst of a custody battle for her, or she's a ward of the state, or has lived in group homes and witnessed sexual acts, or has been sexually abused herself.  She's 14.  I don't care what provocative clothes she wore, or if she claims to enjoy sex, or if she comes on to older men.  The 32 year old is the adult, he is in the wrong, and the judge is also in the wrong for feeding him with excuses and giving him such a light sentence.  What lesson have they taught this 14 year old?  What message has been sent?  What help is she receiving?  My blood is boiling.

• Since my blood is already boiling, let me share another story from Australia that you may have missed...a female fan attending an AFL (Australian Football League) game threw a banana ate an indigenous football player.  A banana.  Her attempt at implying he is a monkey.  Yes, disgusting displays of racism are alive and well in all corners of the world.  In her apology, she claims "I regret my momentary lapse of judgement and I did not attend the game with the predetermined attitude of bringing the game into disrepute or to offend anyone."  So, did she just bring that banana as a snack?  If not, I'd say it was "predetermined" and not just a "momentary lapse of judgement." 

Deep breaths......... 

Shall we move along to happier stories?  Yes, we shall.

• There are two times during the year that I especially enjoy the flood of pictures from my friends and family on facebook - their kiddos on the first day of school and their kiddos in Halloween costumes.  I mean, I enjoy pics other times too, but these two times of the year are especially fun.

• The Axl-Slash-Duff version of Guns N Roses is coming to Australia in February! 

• One of our televisions has decided to not work anymore.  The husband will want to replace that.  Last week, we had to shell out $800 for a car repair.  Dontcha just hate unplanned expenses for non-fun stuff? 

• If I make it to 105, there could be a similar story like this about me:  For Her 105th B-Day, All She Wanted Was A "Burly, Tattooed Firefighter" .  Happy birthday to Ivena!

• How fantastic is this news story??:  Mobile shower van for homeless hits Brisbane streets  The duo offering this service already introduced the world's first mobile free laundry for the homeless.  What fantastic ideas and proof that two people can make a difference to others and their community.

Meme of the week:

Happy Thursday Tuesday to you! 

"Love sees no color"

I thought I'd start the week sharing positivity and love.  Sounds good, yes?

Quick background story...after years of heartbreak, loss, and fertility issues, my cousin and her husband were blessed with the opportunity to adopt two beautiful girls, Olivia and Macy. 

Admittedly, I am stealing sharing some words from my cousin's facebook (with her permission) for this post of mine.  She has shared some beautiful, real life, heartwarming stories that I wanted to share with you.

This July, in the midst of racial tension with black suspects being shot and killed by police along with police being targeted, shot, and killed, Janna posted this picture and included these words:

"I'm adding a picture of my girls to show you that love sees no color. When I look at my girls I don't see them as black or white. I see them as God's precious masterpieces. Period. They are sisters, not by blood, but by heart! "

I couldn't have said it better myself.

At the start of the Olympics, Janna posted some pictures of Olivia with these words:

"We're watching the Olympic swimming coverage, and it's honestly one of my favorite sports to watch in the Olympics. So in honor of the USA swimmers, here's a few pics of our 2024/2028 Olympic hopeful swimmer."

Then, this happened..............Texas born girl, Simone Manuel, won a gold medal in the 100m freestyle!  As you may very well know, she made Olympic history when she did it too ~ the first African-American woman to win gold in an individual swimming event.  Simone has been quoted saying that she hopes she is an inspiration.  I'd say she sure inspired Olivia.  This is what my cousin had to say:

"So proud to watch her race last night, see her reaction to her gold medal win, and then listen to her give the glory to God! We recorded the race so Liv could watch it today. After the race was over I told Liv that Simone was the first black woman to win an individual event medal in swimming and how big of a deal that is. Liv excitedly said, "I'm a black girl!!!" ❤️ Yes you are, baby girl! Be proud of that!!! Love that Simone's a positive role model for our little swimmer."

To add to the beauty of this post...as I was typing it, a couple came in to design a ring.   One of the women was born in Zimbabwe.  As they are the midst of the design, my guy brings out black diamonds in princess cut.  Her eyes lit up.  She said..."so perfect for me because I'm a black princess!"

Yes, it will be a wonderful day when the color of someone's skin doesn't matter.  An accomplishment will be an accomplishment regardless of color, gender, race, sexuality, religion, or ethnicity.  But, while history is still being made and boundaries are being torn down, I'm all about celebrating it!

Discombobulated

I'm in such a state that I can't even come up with a catchy (or simple) title for this post.  That's how discombobulated I am.  Wait.  I like that word.  That's my post title. 

It is fascinating (and terribly disheartening) for me to "view" this U.S. Presidential election from afar.

The comments I see are SO divisive. 

Often, I wonder how some people are actually watching, reading, and listening to the same people because the responses are SO different sometimes.  Examples of comments seen on my facebook feed in the last two days alone...everything from.....

• "I love this guy" (showing a picture of Bill Clinton speaking) to "This speech is a fucking joke!!!!!!!" (in reference to Bill Clinton's speech)
• A friend who wants to be BFF with Michelle Obama to a friend who calls her "the wife of the enemy within" 
• A friend who claimed that on her friends' list, 56 people had "liked" Donald Trump's page and  5 people had liked Hilary Clinton's page, therefore it would be voter fraud if she won.
• From one friend saying "yes, I believe he has what it takes to make America great again" (referring to Donald Trump) to another stating "he makes me want to vomit every time he speaks."

Oh, you know there have been more...because I haven't even talked about the memes.........

The positivity and support for a candidate...I'm fine with that.  No problem whatsoever.  I may not agree with you, but support and promote all you want.

It's the hateful negativity that gets me....

Have an opinion.  Please do.  Have thoughtful and thought-provoking conversations.  But, crossing the line into such hateful rhetoric has me shaking my head.

The hatred for particular candidates (on both sides) is quite scary. 

The disrespect shown towards people that are supposed to lead one of the greatest nations on Earth is so sad.

Words I've seen used today on my social media feeds in regards to one and/or both candidate(s):  "racist", "thief", "liar", "crook", "bigot", "criminal", "hypocrite", "asswipe", "separatist", "Killory", "corrupt"...just to name a few.

I am not without guilt.  Just a couple of months ago, I went on a rant right here on this blog about my dislike of Trump (before I actually believed that his candidacy was going to be taken seriously.)  Many f-bombs were dropped.

I know that elections get heated.  I know they are hard fought journeys to the end.  I know there is mud-slinging and name-calling that happens. 

But, doesn't this one seem uglier than previous years?   

And, it's only July.........

I feel so conflicted.  I love my home country of America.  Love love love it.  But, when you love someone (or something) that means that you love them no matter the good, the bad, and the ugly.  But, you don't have to accept the bad and the ugly.  You can want and expect better.  I am saddened by the commentary that I've seen.  I am disheartened that these are the candidates for President.  I want better for my loved ones in the country that I love. 

From the last time I celebrated the 4th of July in the USA

I was going to disable comments for this post.  But, no.  We should be able to have respectful, intelligent discussions about this wonderful (that is not sarcasm) democratic process. 

So, share your thoughts..........

Facebook, I love/hate you

My birthday came and went without any fun and/or clever blog post about it.  I'm still swirling in emotions from all that is going on in this great big world we live in and in my personal slice of the world as well. 

One very silly thing about a birthday is all the lovely well wishes on social media.  I admit it, I do love that about facebook.  C'mon...I admitted it was silly, but they are just little messages to brighten someone's day.  That's a nice thing.

But, here's the thing...

I have a love/hate relationship with facebook right now. 

I love it because my book challenge is there, and it brings me such a joy to see interactions with people from different corners of the world and different connections to my life all talking about books. 

I love it because I can see pictures of kids, travels, fur babies, and other joyful things that I just don't get to see in that magnitude in any other place from friends and family. 

I love it because I've reconnected with some people that bring joy in my life. 

I hate it because most everyone is an expert on something.  (No, they aren't.  They just think they are.)  I hate it because people say some of the dumbest, most idiotic, disrespectful, hateful, uninformed things that are sometimes even hurtful to others.  I hate it because sometimes I get drawn in to what I think should be intelligent discussions (silly me), but they turn into ugly arguments.  I hate it because I'm pretty sure that I've never once seen anyone admit, "I was wrong about topic XYZ, and thanks to facebook, I've been educated and have evolved into a smarter, better, healthier person".

I love it because it gives me a platform to discuss a book with a second cousin of mine that quite honestly, we would not be talking about if it wasn't for us both being on facebook.  We don't have each other's phone numbers or emails.  She's not a blogger.  Facebook is where we chat.  There are several people like this in my world.  I do feel closely connected with some people and fb is the medium because of it.

I love/hate the voyeuristic opportunities that it allows.

I hate that it can be used by perverts.  And inmates.  And terrorists.  And groups to support dickwads like rapists (Brock Turner's support group, I'm looking at you.)  And hate speech/groups.  And gangs and cartels. 

I love/hate some of the memes that I see making their rounds.  Some are wonderful and hilarious; some are moronic and spread ill-advised opinions to sheep-minded people.  Let me share one of those wonderful memes that I saw the day I typed this post:

What are some things that you love (or hate) about facebook?

My two cents

By now, you probably have read quite a few things about that piece of shit rapist Brock Turner.  And his piece of shit dad.  And that piece of shit judge who gave a laughable sentence.  If you haven't, google him. 

There are so many layers to this story that make me spit fire.

Date rape.
Rape culture.
Treatment of rape survivors.
Inequity of sentences given out for different crimes.
Parents that make excuses for their children.
This list could go on and on...

I've got two more layers that I want to comment on...

As a white female, I'm going to throw the "race card" in the mix. I haven't heard many people talking about it.  Maybe that's a good thing.  Because it doesn't matter what color anyone is in this story, the "wrongs" are horribly wrong.

But, my husband and I were talking last night...if this was a black Stanford student, he'd have received a harsher sentence.* ( *exception being if he was a star athlete for a sport that was bringing in high revenue for the university.)
If this was a black guy who happened to be on Stanford's campus, he'd have been locked up and thrown away the keys. 
If this had been a black guy raping a black girl in a poverty stricken area, sadly, most of us wouldn't even know about this story or be paying this much attention.
I'm outraged at the sentence for all kinds of reasons. And, yes, the "race" reason is one of them.

Also, I have a friend...long story...but, two months ago, after a night out drinking with friends, she offered her couch to a male friend who'd had too much to drink to drive home.  This male friend was  a good friend who'd expressed interest in dating her.  She'd had the conversation more than once with him that she loved his friendship, but only wanted that...their friendship...nothing more.  He'd stayed at her house on previous occasions after too many drinks.  This particular occasion, she was sexually assaulted in her own home.  She has chosen not to press charges or legally report him.  She is a civilian that works on a military base.  He is in the military.  She says that in their situation, she knows it is only going to be her word against his.  So, she has already been too fearful of the victim-blaming and shaming that she assumed knew damn well that she would experience.  This week, she pointed to this case as another example of why she is scared to report.  What she said to me "I don't have two witnesses who interrupted the attack to vouch for me."  And, "I don't have the strength to face a military investigation when I'm sure he will only receive a slap on the wrist.  If that."  She did confront him about it, and his reply was "sorry about that; I was drunk."  Sounds a lot like Brock Turner's reasoning. 

This is one friend's story.  I know others.  You know others.  You may have your own story. 

In the case of Brock Turner, hooray for those cycling Swedes that stopped, intervened, didn't just ride pass or look the other way.  Most of all, hooray for the victim who (hopefully) sees that she is an inspiration to many and support is out there in abundance.

Source

Relapse

Depression sucks. 

And, I'm in the middle of seeing a great-big-ugly-uninvited visitor named "Relapse".

But, I'm fighting the fight.  I don't feel like I'm winning the battle right now, but I keep fighting.  I see that as a good thing.

My therapist (because I'm starting to see her again on a more regular basis) wants me to start focusing on some positives; she wants me to give myself credit for the big and little things, so I give myself credit that I'm still fighting.  That's big because I really don't feel like fighting.

My biggest tormentor is me.  I am HARD on myself.  I blame myself for things that I don't deserve the blame.  I've gotten worse as I've gotten older.  I think it's because I have done things in the past that I deserve to be judged harshly, so I turn this into judging everything I do harshly and unfairly. 

I mask this well.  Sometimes, I am a master at hiding the ugliness that is inside me. 

Other times, I'm terrible at hiding my feelings.  I lose control of them, and I cry or get incredibly irritable. 

I am up and down; high and low; flat and spiked; numb, yet overly sensitive.

I feel like I don't make any sense at all.

I do NOT like this part of me.  I hate it actually.  And, this turns into an ugly spiral of self-hatred.

I've had two different dreams in recent months where I've attempted suicide in the dreams.  They scared me.  I knew I had to act.  So, I'm battling.

Medications have been reviewed and altered.  Other medical conditions (that can contribute to depression) have been analyzed.  There are talks of endocrinologists and psychiatrists.

My g.p. has referred me to another dietitian (or is it dietician?  I think this is one of those American vs. Australian spellings that has me confused).  I haven't gone yet because I'm an emotional eater, and I don't want to be told to stop eating what I'm eating. 

Therapy sessions have increased.  We're even considering group counseling sessions too because I have an unbelievable ability to show empathy to others and want to support and encourage them, all the while I'm tearing myself apart.

I battle by forcing myself to continue to socialize.  I am really feeling like hiding under covers and only talking to my cats.  But, forcing myself to go and do, even if I'm not fully enjoying it, is still a win for me.

I battle by focusing on things that do give me pleasure.  You see my slight obsession with book challenges?  Well, they bring me pleasure.  So, I throw myself into them and soak up as much pleasure as I can.

My therapist wants me to journal more.  I guess this post can be considered a journal entry.  Sorta.  Except my journal is supposed to be where I tell my deepest, darkest thoughts without worrying that anyone will read them. 

Last night, Ricky licked tears from my face.  My husband rubbed my back as I cried.  What was I crying about?  That I hate this part of me.  I just want it to go away and leave. 

I feel like I'm letting my husband down and adding to his burdens (he already has enough stress of being a small business owner.)

I am appreciative and grateful for loving support.

I know some of you battle too.  Keep battling with me.

Serious talk

The high school I attended is in a suburb of Houston, Texas about 35 miles north of downtown.  At the time, there were three high schools in our school district.  Since then, the area has grown and a rather disturbing news story has come from my hometown area.  A high school softball coach and social studies teacher has committed suicide after accusations of sexual misconduct with a student.  You can read an article about it here. 

I've been struggling since reading and hearing this.  No, this is not the first story of sexual misconduct I've read about in the last 20+ years.  But, every single time, I read a story like this, I can't help but think of the victim. 

I have my own story, and you can read about it My Own "Dark Places".

The current story is going to be filled with controversy.  The coach and teacher was married with children.  He was only accused, so in light of America being a country where one is innocent until proven guilty, I don't want to make judgement of guilt or innocence.  Some may say he killed himself because of the guilt he felt, or the fear he felt for getting caught, or the stress he felt for being accused of something maybe he didn't do.  We don't know his story. 

I admit that I am angry.  IF the behaviour and actions are indeed true, can you imagine what that 16 year old girl is feeling now?  Accompanied with the trauma, shame, embarrassment, and confusion she was most likely already experiencing, now she is unjustly carrying feelings of guilt as well.  That angers me.  IF the accusations are true, he took the coward's way out.  He added another heap of negativity to that 16 year old added with the trauma he has caused his wife and children.

You know this social media culture that we live in with a whole lot of keyboard judges and juries?  You know the ones.  The ones that sit behind a monitor and pass judgement without facts.  I've already read comments from these people that make my stomach turn.  (Some of those comments are on the news article link I posted.)  Comments that blame the accuser for the man's death.  Comments that question and claim that these are false allegations.  Comments, on the contrary, that claim knowledge of other victims.  None of these comments are needed on social media platforms during a tragic time like this.  I shake my head and my skin crawls. Yes, one comment even made me cry because I can't help my own feelings to creep back in. 

I am going to share some hopes...  I hope the 16 year old girl AND the family of the deceased open themselves up to therapy.  I hope they find a counselor that they develop the type of  therapeutic relationship that will help them sort, discover, face, cope, and heal from the feelings and emotions that will result from the role they play in this tragic story.  I hope they find themselves surrounded with compassion, support, and encouragement.  I hope they are free from judgement, ridicule, and speculation.  I hope this experience doesn't negatively define the future that a 16 year old is facing.

Sadly, I believe that my hopes listed above are stretched and unrealistic.  But, I don't want a life without hope.

Monday Mumblings

Typically, I don't work Sundays or Mondays.  We got a text from our part-timer on Sunday saying that her son is sick, and she can't work Monday.  My guy has a lot of work to do, so he needs someone running the shop.  Guess what that means.......I'm at work on Monday.

 

 

If I have to be at work, instead of working, I might as well write a blog post, right? 

 

 

The court case finding in favor of Sony infuriates and disgusts me so much that I can't adequately put it into words, but I'll try.  Well, first, I'll share a couple of articles that summarize what's been happening up to this point:

Everything you need to know about the case to #FreeKesha

Confused why women don't report sexual assault?  Ask Kesha.

Kesha shouldn't have to work with the man who allegedly raped her

 

photo source

Okay.  I get it.  Dr. Luke (the accused producer) is innocent until proven guilty.  And, I admit, I am no attorney.  I have never studied contractual law.  I am only speaking as a woman, as a person with compassion and concern about the welfare and health of another woman. 

 

Can you imagine being forced to work at a company where your accused rapist, abuser, and tormenter is revered and in a position of power?  For an album, a single, a tour, an artist to reach some success in the music industry, almost all of them need the support of their record label.  Does it appear that Sony supports Kesha? 

photo source - not mine, but food for thought

This case is an example of so many other cases.  Repeatedly, we see the accuser (the victim) being doubted, being questioned, being victimized all over again, yet it continues to happen.  How much courage would it take to speak out against a hugely successful person (in a powerful position) in the world of entertainment?  How much strength would it take to speak out against a huge, powerful corporation like Sony?  A lot of fucking courage and strength.  I'm no fan of her music, but my thoughts and positive vibes are with Kesha, and others around the world are supporting her too, but, what does that support do for her happiness, health, and future career?  As I stated before, I am infuriated and disgusted.

 

On to something a little lighter...

 

Von Miller is a professional football player who majored in Poultry Science at Texas A&M University (the university I graduated from).  He's not just any professional football player.  He was the Super Bowl 50 MVP.  Because of this spotlight, people are noticing what a great guy Von Miller seems to be.  And......he's not just relying on football to take care of him forever.  He has his own chicken farm in Texas (using the university education).  Read this article: Nerd by Von Miller 

 

Plus, this picture has now leapt into one of my favourite fotos of all time:

photo source

 

Trump.  I can't.  I can't say anymore than what I've already said: 

"Trump is a fucking embarrassment. He is a fucking idiot. Fuck him, fuck his hair, fuck his terrible spray tans, fuck his racism, fuck his bankruptcies, fuck "The Apprentice", fuck the political climate that has developed where people are actually supporting him." (originally posted December 16, 2015)

 

I haven't shared a round of funnies lately, so here you go.....

 

 

I'd say "Happy Monday" to you, but really.............

 

 



Some videos go viral for all the wrong reasons

I'll attach an article or two to give you a little background...

Article 1

...but here's the lowdown...in a Sydney suburb, a 12 year old was stopped by cops for throwing rocks at vehicles and damaging buses in the process.  The mother of the kid started videoing thinking she'd make it "go viral" to show police abuse.  Actually, it's gone viral for other reasons...watch the video above...

Article 2 - that includes a video of the mother defending her son because, of course, he didn't do anything wrong.

Article 3

What a disgusting display of a lack of respect for authority. With this mentality, this mother will also accuse teachers of being in the wrong when her son is given detention, employers out to get her son when he is fired from a job, the probation officer being unfair when her son is recommended for a jail term, the judicial system being corrupt when her son is given a jail sentence, the prison system being abusive when her son is put into solitary confinement for spitting and throwing urine on staff............sadly, this all is likely to happen.

I hope she enjoys visiting her children in prison because that's where they will most likely end up.  Years ago, I was a caseworker at an institution for incarcerated youth.  I knew kids (and parents) exactly like this.

The kid was throwing rocks at cars and caused damage to buses. People have died from the actions of such pranks. When you are throwing rocks at cars that potentially cause damage and/or injury, you are committing a crime. On the video, threats of violence are made as well. For the safety of the youth, police, and other children around, handcuffs (unfortunately) appear to be a sensible use of force in this scenario.

This mother is an embarrassment to any other parents who are trying to raise their children with values and to learn to differentiate between right and wrong.  As for the kids, well, sadly, I'm thinking Australian taxpayers will sooner or later be paying for his accommodation, food, and healthcare in a prison.

Harsh?  Yes.  Judgemental?  Yes.  Do I hope one day there is a 60 Minutes special on this kid ten years from now focusing on how he turned his life around and is a positive force in society?  Absolutely. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts.....

 

 

It's my first time participating in this link-up, and I enjoy the "anything goes" element to it...so why not link-up something somewhat controversial to get this party started???



Reflections on Paris

I think many most all of us are filled with emotions after the Paris terror attacks this weekend.  Senseless murders occur everyday around the world.  Innocent lives are lost.  No life has more value than another when any of these type of heinous crimes happen.  

But, there's something about Paris.  It is one, if not the, most visited place in the world for tourists.  And, if you haven't visited it, chances are it is on your wishlist.  It is called "The City of Love" and "The City of Lights".  People think of Paris, and they think of architecture, fashion, art, literature, movies, shopping, wine & food, lovers strolling hand in hand, iconic sites like the Eiffel Tour and Notre Dame.  These thoughts and visions are romantic, not violent.

For me, I've been fortunate to visit Paris more than once. I've had close friends who lived in Paris.  My cousin and I waded in waters of fountains near the Eiffel Tour.  One of my very best friends was located there for work for six months; she lived on a street with a view of the Eiffel Tour and less than a five minute walk to Hotel Invalides.  I stayed with her in this apartment, as did my cousins, aunt, uncle, and mother. 

I've been to many, many rock concerts and seen Josh Homme (member of Eagles of Death Metal) live. I can relate to being one of those people going to a gig at the Bataclan. It feels more real and personal because of that relatability factor.

I've purchased many, many items at a rock show's merch stand.  Maybe that's why this story of Nick Alexander and his girlfriend, Polina Buckley caused me to cry real tears. 

Source

I don't understand the violence and murder of average, innocent citizens who are going to work, eating out at a restaurant, or hearing a band in concert. The violence in Paris does not make me sympathize or empathize with the perpetrators. It doesn't make me say "hmm, maybe we should listen to their rhetoric." It doesn't make me want to know about their beliefs or fanaticism or religion (when they claim it is in the name of their religion). It doesn't make me open my eyes, see the light, and decide I want to start living my life according to the way the perpetrators think we should be living. You can tell me the murderers don't care about me either.  They want me and the likes of me dead.  I don't understand that either. It makes me disgusted, angry, and beyond sad.

 I know it sounds cliché, but I am praying for the victims, their families, the responders, the witnesses, the survivors, and all those impacted by the senseless violence...in Paris and other parts of the world.

Thoughts 31 - Lamar Odom rant

I apologize for so many posts in such a tight timeframe.  I was going to save this one for next week, but it's timely now. 

photo source

Lamar Odom

I'm tired of reading, hearing, seeing the headline that he was found in a brothel.

In Nevada, going to a brothel is legal.  Yes, it is the only state in the U.S. that is so, but it is.  So, morally, you can question it all you want, but legally, he's done nothing wrong by going there.

The fact that he is in a hospital hooked up to a ventilator is not about sex or prostitution.  It is about drug addiction.

The story should be that a man lost his career and his wife, and now is damn near close to losing his life to drug addiction. 

Reportedly, his father was an addict which affected him greatly.  Lamar was suspended from the NBA due to a drug violation in the early 2000's.  He seemingly cleaned up, was a member of the LA Lakers and won two championships with them, married a Kardashian, had his own reality show, but tragedies seemed to surround him. 

An infant child of his died from SIDS.  He had a cousin that was murdered.  He was in a car accident that resulted in another person losing their life.  He's been in rehab and arrested for a DUI.  His best friend died after contracting a flesh-eating disease from dirty needles used in drug use.  Another friend died of a drug overdose. 

If Lamar Odom's condition is going to be in the media, it needs to be less about brothels, prostitutes, sex, or the Kardashians and more about the message that drugs are bad; drugs ruin lives; drugs can kill.  

Admittedly (and sadly), the Kardashians are a media empire. If Lamar Odom's status is forever joined to them, let's hope they can use that media platform to educate others on the perils of addiction.  

Worth revisiting: My own "Dark Places"

This post was originally published one year ago today. The message is important to me, so I am sharing it again.

I apologize if what I'm about to write will make some uncomfortable.  I apologize if what I'm about to write is better left unsaid.

Many people in my life know various versions of the truth to this story, but almost all don't know the whole truth.  That's because I've felt like I should keep it secret.  I've carried guilt, shame, embarrassment, self-doubt, and self-hatred.  I doubt I will even tell the "whole" truth here because I still carry guilt, shame, and embarrassment.  But, I will share some of my story to try to exorcise some demons inside me, to hopefully bring awareness and understanding regarding those of us that carry negative feelings for a significant portion of our lives.

I read the Houston news on a daily basis.  I have a routine - Houston news, USA news, Australian news, World news.  In the state of Texas, the age of consent for sexual relations is 17.  In 2003, Texas passed a law making it illegal for a teacher and student from the same school to have a sexual relationship regardless if the student is 17 or 18 (age of consent).  Since that time, Houston news quite regularly reports stories about an educator that has been arrested and charged with having inappropriate relationships with students.  As is the case with many criminal allegations, especially those of a sexual nature, there is controversy and varying opinions surrounding these cases.

I've always stated that I respect other people's opinions.  I do.  I've been described as opinionated, so I want others to hear me out (when I'm ready to share) and show respect.  You don't have to agree with me; I don't have to agree with you.  Sometimes when people disagree, this allows for a great opportunity to learn, hear another perspective on an issue, and grow.  State your opinion, but always do so in as respectful a manner as possible.  That is my opinion on giving opinions.  Am I making sense?  I do NOT respect other people's opinions or necessarily want to give them an opportunity to share that opinion if the person is being disrespectful.  It does a lot more harm than good (in my humble opinion).

So...that being said... When I read news reports about alleged inappropriate relationships between a teacher and a student, and I read or hear opinions that are calling the student a "slut" or saying they knew better or were asking for it or "it takes two to tango" (and often comments much, much harsher than this, but this is all I can bring myself to type), I can't help but feel anger, frustration, and the ever present guilt, shame, and embarrassment.  Let me tell you why.

I was that 17 year old student.  I did know better.  I was an intelligent student who was involved in many school activities.  I didn't smoke, and I wasn't promiscuous.  I drank alcohol on 3 occasions in high school, and I can honestly say, I don't think I ever saw drugs my entire high school tenure (except ones shown to me by a police officer). My family wasn't perfect; we had some issues, but I was raised in a Christian home with strong values, and I never doubted my parents' love for me.  Most of my friends were "good kids" and many of my friends' parents were very good to me as well.  So, yes, I knew better.  I knew right from wrong.

Me - my Senior year of high school

I can also say I was manipulated.  I was manipulated by a teacher ten years older than me who was respected, attractive, spoke well, and had a Master's Degree.  He groomed me when I was 16 but didn't act on it until I was 17.  He convinced me that my parents were neglecting me.  He promised to take care of me and give me more security and love than I was receiving.  He tried to convince me that my choice of worship was not good enough; that his choice of faith was better for me.  He encouraged me to separate myself from some of my friends, yet keep others that could cover for us.  Yes, I knew better than to get involved with him, but I was still young enough and impressionable enough that his ploys messed with my head, my heart, my emotions, my decision-making skills.  He definitely used his age, experience, and status to manipulate the situation for his favor.  Typing this, I still feel guilt, shame, and embarrassment.

Eventually, I married this man when I was 19; and I was divorced by 21. During that time, I moved to another part of the country to be with him. His control and manipulation of me continued. When my body began to change (as a woman's naturally does during those years), our intimacy level dropped, and he told me my weight gain "repulsed" him. I went from 120 pounds to 133 pounds was the most I weighed when I was with him. Hardly repulsive.

It took many years of hiding from the aftermath of this relationship.  It took many years of trying to numb my pain or avoid my feelings or fake being strong or laugh and joke about the matter.  All these years, I've carried some pretty deep, dark scars from this relationship.  In recent years, I've finally been able to work through the "stuff".  I've been to therapy.  I read books and articles and blogs.  I relate to various people - from victims to addicts - and their stories of hitting dark places and overcoming them.  I work on myself and try to live and grow.  I pray and sometimes meditate and journal (which I should do more frequently).  I have a partner who encourages me to face the dark and painful past and be open, vulnerable, and honest.  (Previously, I've had a partner who laughed at me and called me an "idiot" for getting myself into such a relationship and another that barely believed me and another who said "you were 'that' girl" and never talked about it again...I understood 'that' wasn't a good girl.)

Was I "That" Girl?

I still struggle at times.  For instance, in writing this piece, well, it hasn't been easy.  I've written, deleted, written again, deleted...  I still have a hard time thinking of myself as a victim.  At that time, there was no felonious law in Texas to criminalize his behavior.  If our relationship happened in 2004 or 2011 or today (anytime since the law was passed in 2003), he would be guilty of committing a felony, and I would be a victim.  The guilt, shame, and embarrassment that I still fight to this day doesn't allow me to grasp this and acknowledge it.  I'm still working...............

I am not writing this or sharing this for you to feel sorry for me or to judge me.  I am sharing so we can all realize passing judgment or sharing hurtful opinions can further damage those that are carrying heavy burdens already.  Lift someone up instead of tearing them down.  Be respectful when you share your opinions.  Empathize with others.