Heartbreaking and Heartwarming

Heartbreaking.....

I have a friend named Kim.  She and I were on dance team together at Texas A&M and lived together with another roommate in a duplex.  Kim is/was one of those radiant people...beautiful inside and out...smart and sweet and upbeat.  She was even a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader - she's that all-American girl that you want to hate and envy but just can't because she is so genuinely nice.

Kim is a mother of two, a little girl named Viv and a little boy named Sawyer.  My heart is breaking for Kim, her family, and her loved ones. 

Kim's words:

Sawyer ... ...

November 21, 2008 – December 12, 2016

Sawyer did not lose his battle with medulloblastoma brain cancer; he kicked its ass for 20 months. 

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; 

and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling) 

~ E.E. Cummings

Something like this happens, and I stop in my tracks.  I reflect.  And, honestly, I ask myself "what can I do to be a better person and give more to the world?"  Please, in Sawyer's honor, hug someone you love a little tighter, spread kindness to those that need it, maybe (if you feel so inclined) donate to your local children's hospital, hospice care, or cancer research institute. 

Heartwarming.....

Today, we celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary.  I failed as a good little blogger because I had no "anniversary" post ready to honor this event.  But, when I heard the news about Sawyer, this guy is the one who held me and wiped my tears.  He is the one that recommended we find out if there is somewhere specific Kim's family will recommend donations to be sent.  He is the one who mentioned Viv, Sawyer's sister, and how tough of a time this will be for her.  I'll be honest - he isn't always known to be compassionate or tender-hearted, but I am the fortunate one that knows that side of him does indeed exist, and I know it well.  In this moment of heartbreak and grief, my heart was warmed by the realization that this is the one who is by my side during such times. 

If you want to read about our special day, you can do that here:  The best wedding ever*

Happy anniversary to us!

Cancer sucks

I met the mom & dad pictured here 1995ish - 20 years ago.  They both had big personalities and even bigger hearts. They had big laughs and gave big hugs. They had a big circle of friends, and I'm fortunate that I am one of them. 

For a two to three year time period in my life (which I consider a very special time period of my life), the two of them were there frequently.  I don't know if a week went by that I didn't see the two of them at least 3 or 4 times each week. That I didn't get a hug from Lumpy, that Kristi's smile didn't radiate the room.  I think of this couple and have such positive memories.  Memories that include dancing, laughing until our bellies ached, Mexican food, and drinks...lots of drinks. 

One night in those years, Kristi, Kari, and I drove across town to The Tattoo Consortium in Bryan, Texas. I might have been the instigator of this little trip. A few hours later the three of us left, emboldened and forever bonded with our permanent ink, that were only about the size of a quarter. 

When we showed our tattoos to our boyfriends at the time, mine announced that I should have "WT" tattooed as well for "white trash". You see, his jackass opinion was one tattoo was okay (I already had one), but two signified white trash. It was Kristi who told him that it was my body, my choice, my tattoo ... Sprinkled in with a few other choice words. Lumpy grabbed Kristi, showered her with support and affection, shouting "tell him, baby!"

Kristi & Lumpy married in a wedding that most likely will go down in College Station history as the most fun wedding ever. They started a family and had two gorgeous kids.  Then........

In 2006, Kristi was diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma. She battled, and it went in remission for six years. It came back, as that evil bitch cancer likes to do. Kristi fought it with a vengence.  She was nothing less than a warrior!  So courageous.  So determined.  Never wanted to give up.  At 37 years old, Kristi's time on Earth was cut short. Lumpy lost his best friend and partner in life. Two beautiful kids lost their mother. We lost a fighter, an inspiration, and a smile that can never be duplicated. 

I spoke to one of my closest friends who is a mutual friend of Kristi and Lumpy.  We agreed that this was hitting us even harder than expected.  Kristi had closer friends than us.  So does Lumpy.  But, they aren't the kind of people to make you feel that way.  They are the kind to make you feel like you are the most important person in their world when they speak to you.

I wrote this message to them last week (before Kristi passed).  I know Lumpy got it because through all of this, he found the time to reply "Love you girl!!!" 

"I don't expect you to be reading this at this time. It really is probably selfish of me to send. It is a way for me to deal with my heartbreak and sadness for your family. I want you to know I am praying for comfort and peace." ... "The two of you as a couple have battled and withstood things together, that many didn't think you could get through. You are an inspiration. You have impacted my life. You have taught me to be grateful. To show strength even when I don't know where I can find that strength. To love completely. To appreciate every day. To smile. To hug those that matter. I love you both. I really do. I wish that I could do something more for you to help you throught this time. Lots of love, Erin"

August 15th is a Celebration of Life ceremony in honor of Kristi.  I've already decided that I'm going to find a beautiful place, probably next to the Pacific Ocean (after all, that's what physically separates us right now), put my feet in the sand, and toast these amazing people.  If I can't be there physically, I will be there in spirit.

I'm thankful for that quarter size, not so fancy, sunshine tattoo.  Because of it, I am forever bonded to those two girls that I was with, and I get to have conversations like this:

KRK 1978 - 2015
#TeamKeesler