Awareness

Source - National Sexual Violence Resource Center

I caught up with a friend on Monday. She is an American living in Australia as well.  Approximately two years ago, she was a college student (still in America), and she was sexually assaulted.  She reported her assault to police, was questioned by over five different police officers including a sergeant and a detective (all male) and had the invasive rape kit conducted at a medical center.  In her interview, some questions posed to her were about sexual positions and specific times that each act occurred.  She tells me that the interviews were as emotionally damaging as the actual rape itself.

Police were trying to be thorough and get details.  Fine.  As long as they are just as thorough with their investigation into the allegation and with the accused.

No one from law enforcement ever initiated any follow-up with her.  She called the detective in charge a number of times to ask about her case.  Eventually, she was told that there was not enough evidence to press charges.  Her alleged perpetrator only spoke to police after agreeing to do so with his lawyer present.  His version was that everything that happened was consensual, then they got in an argument, he left abruptly, so she accused him of rape.   One interview was conducted with the perpetrator (in comparison to the five interviews that my friend experienced; six if you count the rape kit/test/and questioning at the medical center.)  During that interview, he was never questioned about sexual positions or specific times that each act occurred. 

I wasn't there.  I don't know exactly what happened.  I am hearing one side of the story.

What I do know is my friend is a smart, educated, well-spoken, reliable, ambitious person.  She has never given me any reason to doubt her word or her integrity.  I support her and believe that she deserved to be treated with respect and fairness.  I do not believe this has happened for her since reporting the incident. 

The rape kit cost her personally $900 (it was a total fee of $1600, but insurance covered $700.)  She applied for "victim's assistance" but was denied due to the police determining there was not enough evidence to file charges.

Her parents have doubted her, have blamed her for having a boy in her apartment alone after she had been drinking with him. Her brother has told her "she's different", "angry", and not as fun as she used to be.  As if, these things are her fault as well.  Her response is "damn right" she feels different and angry.

Sadly, so many of us know people who have experienced the same.  I know people who have similar experiences.  Some of us have our own personal experiences as a victim as well.  It has to stop.

I don't have all the answers.  I know these cases must be difficult to prove.  I know both parties deserve respect and have the right to be treated fairly and lawfully.  But, I am so, so, so tired of stories like this one.  And, I didn't read this one in the newspaper or online.  I heard it from the mouth of someone I know, someone I respect, and someone I care about. 

Awareness is key.  Education is imperative.  Knowledge must help.  So, I've shared this story from my friend to add to the awareness of the sickening situation.  And, I encourage you to read Steph's post Sexual Assault Awareness - Do We Need a Month for This? because she shares a lot of research and statistics. 

Most importantly, what can I do?  I can support my friend.  I can let her know that I value her.  That I admire her courage and strength.  That I am always available for a phone call, a cup of tea, or a drink.  I can encourage therapy if she feels that's something she is interested in pursuing.  I can locate resources for her.  I can hold her hand and tell her that I believe her.  Right now, I think that's what she has valued from me the most.  She doesn't think the police believed her.  She doesn't think her parents believe her.  She needs to feel that someone believes in her, and I am honored to step up to the plate in that role for her. 

Lessons inspired by reading Missoula by Jon Krakauer

Mattie announced that she and Lexi will be hosting a new weekly link-up called "Weekly Lessons" every Wednesday.  Will I participate each week?  Probably not.  I'm terrible at weekly participation.  But, will I participate when I'm inspired with a lesson that I want to share?  You betcha.

How's this for a heavy subject for my first Weekly Lessons?  These are lessons that I learned while reading Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town by Jon Krakauer.

It is no mystery to me that acquaintance rape, date rape, non-stranger rape (whatever you want to call it) is a problem in the society and culture of American college campuses. This book examines several stories of such incidents that occurred (or allegedly occurred) during 2010 to 2012 on one campus in one fairly smaller town of America. The BIG story here is Missoula is not the "rape capital" (because it is happening in so many other college towns as well; there was even one FBI reported noted that during the same time Missoula was actually below the national average for reported rapes.)  But, I feel this book accurately captures a slice of the American pie of incidents that are happening all across the country.

Sexual assault is emotional and difficult for so many involved. The VICTIM. The accused. The witnesses. The family of the victim. The friends of the victim. The family and friends of the accused. The community. The investigators. The prosecutors. The defenders. The university and its leaders. In this book, the football team. Its fans. Its players. Its coaches. I think this book adequately gives a picture of the fact that so many are involved. So many are impacted.

The book shows how victims are questioned, doubted, blamed, and verbally attacked. It shows how all too often sexual assaults are not brought to court, and if they are, how difficult it is to prove in a "he said, she said" debate. Political games are at play. Towns and communities are torn apart. Families and friends pick sides and even more hurt happens in the aftermath than the actual rape incident itself that is in question.

A great current event read, even if it did make me hurt, rage, cry, shout, and question if this issue can ever be effectively handled. Can we ever treat victims with the respect they deserve? Can we ever investigate thoroughly and accurately? Can we ever pass out deserved punishment to the offenders? I don't know...and that's a crime as well.

Much of this I "knew", somewhat, but compiled in this book, I learned so much more about the trauma of sexual assault.  Here are some of those lessons that I learned:

1.  "Rape and war...are among the most common causes of post-traumatic stress disorder, and survivors of sexual assault frequently exhibit many of the same symptoms and behaviors as survivors of combat: flashbacks, insomnia, nightmares, hypervigilance, depression, isolation, suicidal thoughts, outbursts of anger, unrelenting anxiety, and an inability to shake the feeling that the world is spinning out of control."  (page 380)

2.  It is extremely difficult to gather accurate statistics about rape and sexual assault.  The variances between different research studies from the U.S. Department of Justice to a different federal agency, the Center for Disease Control to research studies performed by analysts, journalists, doctors, psychiatrists, and psychologists.  It is difficult to discern the truth in all of the statistics.

3.  That being said, according to the CDC study using data gathered in 2011, it is estimated that "19.3 percent of American women 'have been raped in their lifetimes'".  Rough figures: 20+ million American women.  (Author's note, page xiii)

4.  A rape kit, when performed by a nurse, doctor, or nurse practicioner is painful, invasive, and traumatic.  A woman's "most private recesses" are "probed, combed, swabbed, photographed, and intensely scrutinized by strangers".  Often a video is taken of this exam as well and can take 4 or so hours to complete.  IF a case is ever investigated and goes to trial, these pictures and video will be viewed by another slew of strangers for intense examination and discussion.  (page 18)

5.  Politics all too often come in to play with what cases go to trial and what ones are determined that there isn't enough evidence to build a case.  Prosecutors want wins.  District Attorneys or Lead Prosecutors in County Attorney's Offices are elected officials.  Their constituents want a DA or Lead Prosecutor that provides wins.  Convictions.  That means that there are times that prosecutors pass on charging an accused rapist or attempting to take a court to trial because they are worried they won't get that "win".  

6.  Sometimes the media is frustrating. Sometimes they are vilified. Sometimes, good investigative journalists uncover newsworthy events that need to be brought to public attention. (Example:  the Academy Award winning movie, Spotlight, depicting "(t)he true story of how the Boston Globe uncovered the massive scandal of child molestation and cover-up within the local Catholic Archdiocese, shaking the entire Catholic Church to its core.")  Some stories challenge institutions, corporations, governments, and more, to no longer hide truths and mistreatments.

The following aren't exactly lessons that I learned from this book, but this book hit it home for me all over again:

7.  Another statistic that varies greatly, but it is reported that "at least 80 percent of those who are assaulted don't report the crime to authorities."  (Author's note, page xiv) 

8.  Out of the ones that are reported, few accused are actually charged with any crime.  Of those that go to trial, few are convicted. 

9.  Basically, if a person commits rape, the statistics are in strong favor that person will not be punished for the crime. 

This is one of several graphics out there discussing this very topic.  A few of them have been challenged for their validity.  But, most of them are pretty similar in their numbers.  I'm not claiming this one is perfect, but I do believe it depicts the very serious problem with sexual assault and the justice system.

SOURCE

Again, this isn't just happening in Missoula, Montana.  Brock Turner (convicted rapist, ex-Stanford swimmer) is a prime example of this being a problem in so many of America's college towns.  To me, that is why this book was such an important read.  The more we know, the better educated we are, the better equipped we are to combat the issues at hand.

Linking up with Mattie and Lexi for "Weekly Lessons".

My two cents

By now, you probably have read quite a few things about that piece of shit rapist Brock Turner.  And his piece of shit dad.  And that piece of shit judge who gave a laughable sentence.  If you haven't, google him. 

There are so many layers to this story that make me spit fire.

Date rape.
Rape culture.
Treatment of rape survivors.
Inequity of sentences given out for different crimes.
Parents that make excuses for their children.
This list could go on and on...

I've got two more layers that I want to comment on...

As a white female, I'm going to throw the "race card" in the mix. I haven't heard many people talking about it.  Maybe that's a good thing.  Because it doesn't matter what color anyone is in this story, the "wrongs" are horribly wrong.

But, my husband and I were talking last night...if this was a black Stanford student, he'd have received a harsher sentence.* ( *exception being if he was a star athlete for a sport that was bringing in high revenue for the university.)
If this was a black guy who happened to be on Stanford's campus, he'd have been locked up and thrown away the keys. 
If this had been a black guy raping a black girl in a poverty stricken area, sadly, most of us wouldn't even know about this story or be paying this much attention.
I'm outraged at the sentence for all kinds of reasons. And, yes, the "race" reason is one of them.

Also, I have a friend...long story...but, two months ago, after a night out drinking with friends, she offered her couch to a male friend who'd had too much to drink to drive home.  This male friend was  a good friend who'd expressed interest in dating her.  She'd had the conversation more than once with him that she loved his friendship, but only wanted that...their friendship...nothing more.  He'd stayed at her house on previous occasions after too many drinks.  This particular occasion, she was sexually assaulted in her own home.  She has chosen not to press charges or legally report him.  She is a civilian that works on a military base.  He is in the military.  She says that in their situation, she knows it is only going to be her word against his.  So, she has already been too fearful of the victim-blaming and shaming that she assumed knew damn well that she would experience.  This week, she pointed to this case as another example of why she is scared to report.  What she said to me "I don't have two witnesses who interrupted the attack to vouch for me."  And, "I don't have the strength to face a military investigation when I'm sure he will only receive a slap on the wrist.  If that."  She did confront him about it, and his reply was "sorry about that; I was drunk."  Sounds a lot like Brock Turner's reasoning. 

This is one friend's story.  I know others.  You know others.  You may have your own story. 

In the case of Brock Turner, hooray for those cycling Swedes that stopped, intervened, didn't just ride pass or look the other way.  Most of all, hooray for the victim who (hopefully) sees that she is an inspiration to many and support is out there in abundance.

Source

Thoughts #24 - Guilty

From time to time, I get serious on this blog.  This is one of those times.

Australia reports news from the US.  Plus, I regularly read skim US news daily.  I hadn't paid close attention to the Vanderbilt rape case until recently while the trial for Vanderburg and Batey was happening.  Since that time, I've read news reports and opinion pieces.  I wasn't there; this is a quick summary based on the articles that I've read.

College student female (name withheld for the privacy of the victim) and college student athlete male (Vandeburg) return to the male's dorm room after a night out drinking heavily.  The female victim was carried into the room by the male.  She was passed out unconscious.  She was sexually assaulted and urinated on by Vandeburg's friends.  Vandeburg instructed, took pictures and video which he forwarded to other friends.  Female victim remembers none of this.  It wasn't until campus security was reviewing video footage in the dorm for another possible crime (theft or burglary) that the case was brought to the attention of authorities.

Photo:  Tennesean file photos

Vandeburg and Batey have been tried and convicted on all charges, including aggravated rape and aggravate sexual battery (awaiting their sentences).  Two others are awaiting trial, and another couple plead to lesser charges because they received images or video and tried to hide it or get rid of it.

If you want to read about the case yourself, just google.  Or read this -> "Vanderbilt rape trial: Defendants found guilty on all charges".  In fact, the Tennesean has complete coverage of the case and trial (Vanderbilt University is located in Tennessee).

I tell you what keeps feeling like a punch in the gut - this could have been me; this could have been one of my close friends.  This poor girl, the victim, didn't know it happened to her until police provided photographic and video proof to her.  She drank a lot.  She couldn't remember.  She may have been drugged (although, there was no evidence to prove this).  But, she claims she still doesn't remember things that she can see for her own eyes did occur based on the photos and videos.  She believed the story from her boyfriend at the time that she got drunk, vomited, passed out, and he had to take care of her.

I have been that girl.  I have been drunk, and vomited, and passed out, and a boyfriend had to take care of me.  More times than I should have.  This girl was on the Vanderbilt dance team; I was on my university's dance team.  I relate to her.  I have been stupid and irresponsible with my alcohol intake.  I've thrown my intelligence and caution out the door and put myself in dangerous and downright dumb places.  I would have assumed that anything that happened to me was my own fault for putting myself in such precarious situations.

Also, I have done incredibly stupid things while intoxicated.  Things I would have never done sober.  I take responsibility for those actions.

Also, I've experienced blackouts where I truly do not remember what has happened.  This is not a good mental place to be.  It is not a good place to put myself in.  It is not good place to be in if someone has manipulated or drugged you into submission.

When I was in university/college, we didn't have cell phones and social media to have photographic or video proof.  How many times has this happened, and no one knew about it?  How many times does this continue to happen?

A few simple rules for ALL of us to remember:

• It is NOT okay for alcohol or drugs to be used as an excuse for illegal behavior.
• It is NOT okay to physically or sexually assault someone while they are unconscious.
• It is NOT okay to stick a water bottle up someone's anus without his/her consent.  (Yes, this is brutal, but this is one of the assaults that happened in this case)
• It is NOT okay to NOT report an incident if you receive pictures or videos or an unconscious person being physically manhandled and sexually assaulted.
• It is NOT okay to be involved in such activity but show little to no remorse, or downplay your part and actions in the assault.
• It is NOT okay to blame the victim.

There are many, many girls in the university system that this could happen to/does happen to. If only there were investigative teams like those in this case to do the right thing.

I have much respect for the legal team that prosecuted this case, the detectives that investigated, and the victim advocates that counseled and continue to work with the victim.  The victim...from everything that I've read, after she realized the extent of what happened, she has faced this with courage and strength.  Her words - a written statement - after the guilty verdicts were announced:

"Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout this difficult process. I'm thankful that the criminal justice system will hold the defendants responsible for their violent crimes. The hard work of the law enforcement officers, prosecutors and victims' advocates who dedicated so many months of their lives to this case has made justice possible.
I want to especially thank detective Jason Mayo, Sgt. Mike Shreeve, Detective Chad Gish, Deputy District Attorney Tom Thurman, Assistant District Attorneys Jan Norman and Roger Moore and victims' advocates Wanda Swan, Lt. Rochelle Barrios and Teresa Shearon. You are my heroes and I am so proud of and grateful for each of you.
"I am also hopeful that the publicity this case has received will lead to a discussion of how we can end sexual violence on college campuses. Finally, I want to remind other victims of sexual violence: You are not alone. You are not to blame."

 So many lessons to learn from this one case.  So many lessons.