Thoughts #12 - Chameleon

A friend of mine shared this story this week:  I Dressed as a Goth, a Party Girl, and a Manic Pixie Dream Girl — Here's How My Friends, Partner, and OKCupid Reacted - go click on that link I just posted and read the article.

I found the experiment and article fascinating for a number of reasons.  First, I was a Sociology major.  Second, I like clothes, hair, and make-up.  Third, I try not to judge a book by its cover (so to speak).  Fourth, I enjoy people who have their own personal sense of style.  Fifth, the remarks and quick judgments passed were thought-provoking.

We know that people judge others based on their looks, their race, and their clothes.  We know it's not nice, but it happens.all.the.time. 

Also, I remembered a conversation I shared with a former co-worker (a man who knew my parents before I was born).  He told me that I was a "chameleon" based on how I dressed for work.  At the time, I worked in an office complete with shared-wall cubicle an all.  I suppose this comment came from the fact that I'd wear skirts, pants, or dresses.  I'd wear heels, flats, and cowboy boots.  My hair would be straight or curly, up or down.  My make-up might be natural, or I might wear bright blue eyeliner.  My nails would be natural, black, or bright pink.  This was also at a time in my life that I'd go to live music shows weekly, sometimes multiple times in a week.  So, I'd have a dress style for that too.  Yes, I owned leather pants.  Vinyl ones too.

Some may think this erratic style of dress stems from me searching for an identity.  Or that I was a poser depending on the situation I was in.  Yet, I took the statement he made as a huge compliment.  I like(d) being a chameleon.  I like(d) different styles and fashions and clothes.  I like(d) expressing myself through how I present(ed) myself.  But, does that mean I was judged differently on different days depending on different dress?  Probably.  But, that's not going to change how I dress(ed).

Just because I've had this song in my head the entire time I've typed this entry, I decided that you need to hear it too.

Fall Film Challenge

A friend of mine is hosting a film challenge.  She asked me how many movies I watch per month.  I'm not a good one to ask.  Sometimes, I watch 3 or 4 movies in a weekend.  Sometimes, I don't watch a movie for 3 or 4 weeks.  She's playing along in my book challenge, so I thought I'd play along in the film challenge.
(You can read about it HERE or you can join HERE because I think you should play along too.)

I have three months to watch these - September, October, November - and here are my choices:

one. any action/adventure flick - Captain Phillips

two. any shot in bupapest, hungary - The Raven

three. any awarded an oscar for best cinematography - There Will Be Blood

four. any drama/biography/documentary - Artifact

five. any awarded an oscar for best film editing - Traffic

six. any science-fiction/fantasy flick - Divergent

seven. any starring an actress whose last name begins with the letter g - Texas Killing Fields (Annabeth Gish)

eight. any set during any holiday - Labor Day

nine. any from internet movie database's top flicks list - City of God

ten. any starring an actor whose last name begins with the letter j - Prisoners (Hugh Jackman)

eleven. any starring an actress whose last name begins with the letter k - Rabbit Hole (Nicole Kidman)

twelve. any shot in london, england - RocknRolla

thirteen. any awarded an oscar for best original score - Babel

fourteen. any adapted from any novel - The Great Gatsby

fifteen. any awarded an oscar for best original screenplay - The King's Speech

sixteen. any awarded an oscar for best picture - 12 Years a Slave

seventeen. any featured on american movie classic's fifty great movie quote's list -  The Hours  - "Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more."

eighteen. any romance or comedy - Dedication

nineteen. any sports flick - Invictus

twenty. any thriller or mystery - The Return

twenty-one. any starring an actor whose last name begins with u - Star Trek Into Darkness (Karl Urban)

twenty-two. any shot in a country you've never visited - Blood Diamond (shot in South Africa and Mozambique)

twenty-three. any shot in wilmington, north carolina - Blue Velvet

twenty-four. any western or war film - The Alamo

twenty-five. any from american film institute's greatest american movies of all time - One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Since we're talking about movies, I will end with a picture from my favorite Robin Williams' movie performance, Good Will Hunting, which I will watch this weekend.

A Day in the Life of Me

You are about to see a glimpse of my fascinating life. Well, not really. This is just an average day for me, and it's definitely not all that fascinating...except today, I'm going to bring you along with me. 

I'm a snoozer.  That's right.  I need the alarm to go off at least four times before I drag myself out of bed.  Neil is worse.  My pets have learned our habits.  The cats will go check out the lit up screen of our phones probably wishing their paws would work on a touch screen iphone to turn the annoying thing off.  

After reluctantly getting up, I go through my morning routine - toilet, brush teeth, pills, wash face, shower, moisturize, make-up my face, get dressed - all the while, these three join me most mornings (Ricky, Ivy, and Astro).  I pretend it's because they love me so much that they want to hang with me.  Remember, I told you they know my routine?  Well, yeah...they hang with me because I have the heat lamps on, and when I'm finished getting dressed, they get their breakfast. 

As I make my way downstairs while trying not to trip over any cats or step on any tails, these are the faces that greet me through the back door.  They like to stand at their bowls (as if I'm going to forget their breakfast). Our oh-so-sweet-but-not-too-bright Sally and Dolly girls.

Fur babies are fed, we're dressed, and we head to the train station which is 5 minutes away.  We live in a suburb 35 miles (57 km) southwest of Sydney city center.  We commute via train travel Monday through Friday.  Neil and I ride the train together most days.  I read a book; he reads a newspaper.  Our train takes a little less than an hour to get to Sydney Central Station.  A lot of people complain about public transport.  I actually prefer it.  I like to read and people watch instead of road rage on the freeways.

We arrive at Central, and we part ways.  Neil heads in to work.  I head to school (more about that in a minute).  I usually grab a morning tea at a kiosk at the station.  It's winter here now, and I'm not a coffee drinker.  I've learned to drink hot tea instead.  I've got my ipod cranked now (although my hair is covering it) because my mornings usually need a little heavy dose of rock 'n' roll to get going. 

School, ah school.  I call it the "visa factory" because it's a school that caters to international students who have come to Australia on a student visa.  Most often, I am the only one in the class that speaks English as my primary language.  I'm currently taking a Marketing course, and I go to class Mondays-Thursdays 9:00am-12:30pm.  Although the classes aren't exactly challenging or overly informative, I've enjoyed interacting with the students from all corners of the world - Thailand, Italy, Colombia, Turkey, Indonesia, Poland, Nepal, Korea, Romania, Brazil, Czech Republic, as well as teachers from Singapore, Germany, South Africa, and Hungary.

After school, I head back to the train station (this time the trains run underground similar to subways, but we still call them trains).  Hi ho, hi ho; it's off to work I go...

Okay...so our trains don't stay underground.  Here's my view of Lavender Bay and Luna Park as the train crosses Sydney Harbour Bridge.  I see this everyday, and I still don't tire of the view. 

After pulling into North Sydney, I go to our store where I work every day.  (Shameless plug now:  www.facebook.com/POLA.Jewellers ; new website coming soon!)  Neil is owner, jeweller, watchmaker, boss, problem-solver and more.  His father (Graham) is a watchmaker.  Our friend (Linsey) works part-time and helps a lot with computer jewellery design.  I do everything else.  Also, I spend far too much time on facebook and other websites, as well as occasionally writing my blog...like I'm doing now. 

The super helpful friendly sales girl that you want to help you buy some jewelry (yes, I've spelled jewelry/jewellery two different ways in this post, but I'm American living in Australia, and there's two different spellings and sometimes I get confused) - that's me!

After closing shop, I get back to the train station.  Sometimes it may be 6:00; sometimes 7:00; sometimes later.  That's the world of retail and being the partner of the man that owns his own business.

Animals meet us at the door - yes, because they love us - but, mostly because they are getting fed dinner.  The destructive duo dogs have usually torn something up.  They love anything with foam and stuffing, so forget about giving them a dog bed, or stuffed toys, or a lounge to sleep on...because they've ruined all those things.  They have dog bones and chew toys, but being destructive is much more fun (apparently).

Oh, I don't forget lunch...I just forgot to take its picture.  Neil is awesome because he likes to cook.  He's good at it too.  Most of you probably think he is just avoiding my cooking.  That could be the case, but I do cook every now and then, but mostly it's Neil who prepares our meals.  This is leftover risotto that's even tastier the second night of having it. 

My favorite part of the day; my nightly Astro snuggles.  I was never a cat person.  I was scared of them.  They sensed it and preyed on my fear.  But, Neil has always had cats.  I love animals, I love him, and relationships are supposed to be about compromise, right?  Well, if any cat could convert me, this guy could.  Man, oh man...he is a mama's boy.  Every single night, I lay down for some reading or tv time.......and every single night, Astro joins me.  He's on my chest.  He's in my face.  He lays on my shoulder.  He headbutts me.  He even lets a little dribble out when I rub his belly.  Gosh almighty, this cat loves me, and I love him. 

Many nights, I relax with a book, a candle burning, and a hot bath...sometimes a glass of wine.  Most times, I'm joined by a kitty.  Mostly, it's Ivy or Ricky - they are the ones that seem to be interested in the water, or my nakedness, but I'm pretty sure it's the water.

Bedtime - most of the time, Astro joins me.  Eventually, Neil is there as well as the other two kitties.  But, every now and then, Ricky the mischievous boy decides he wants to be Ricky the purr puss and tries to beat Astro to the bedroom to get the closest spot to mama.  I'm not going to lie: I like it that the boys fight over me :)  Neil may get slightly jealous. 

That's all, folks.  How exciting was that?!  Tons.  I know.  If you made it this far, you are probably my mother.  Hi, Mom!  Thanks for sticking with this post!!

Worth revisiting: Thoughts.11: Opinions

This post was originally published one year ago today. The message is important to me, so I am sharing it again.

I apologize if what I'm about to write will make some uncomfortable.  I apologize if what I'm about to write is better left unsaid.

Many people in my life know various versions of the truth to this story, but almost all don't know the whole truth.  That's because I've felt like I should keep it secret.  I've carried guilt, shame, embarrassment, self-doubt, and self-hatred.  I doubt I will even tell the "whole" truth here because I still carry guilt, shame, and embarrassment.  But, I will share some of my story to try to exorcise some demons inside me, to hopefully bring awareness and understanding regarding those of us that carry negative feelings for a significant portion of our lives.

I read the Houston news on a daily basis.  I have a routine - Houston news, USA news, Australian news, World news.  In the state of Texas, the age of consent for sexual relations is 17.  In 2003, Texas passed a law making it illegal for a teacher and student from the same school to have a sexual relationship regardless if the student is 17 or 18 (age of consent).  Since that time, Houston news quite regularly reports stories about an educator that has been arrested and charged with having inappropriate relationships with students.  As is the case with many criminal allegations, especially those of a sexual nature, there is controversy and varying opinions surrounding these cases. 

I've always stated that I respect other people's opinions.  I do.  I've been described as opinionated, so I want others to hear me out (when I'm ready to share) and show respect.  You don't have to agree with me; I don't have to agree with you.  Sometimes when people disagree, this allows for a great opportunity to learn, hear another perspective on an issue, and grow.  State your opinion, but always do so in as respectful a manner as possible.  That is my opinion on giving opinions.  Am I making sense?  I do NOT respect other people's opinions or necessarily want to give them an opportunity to share that opinion if the person is being disrespectful.  It does a lot more harm than good (in my humble opinion).

So...that being said... When I read news reports about alleged inappropriate relationships between a teacher and a student, and I read or hear opinions that are calling the student a "slut" or saying they knew better or were asking for it or "it takes two to tango" (and often comments much, much harsher than this, but this is all I can bring myself to type), I can't help but feel anger, frustration, and the ever present guilt, shame, and embarrassment.  Let me tell you why.

I was that 17 year old student.  I did know better.  I was an intelligent student who was involved in many school activities.  I didn't smoke, and I wasn't promiscuous.  I drank alcohol on 3 occasions in high school, and I can honestly say, I don't think I ever saw drugs my entire high school tenure (except ones shown to me by a police officer). My family wasn't perfect; we had some issues, but I was raised in a Christian home with strong values, and I never doubted my parents' love for me.  Most of my friends were "good kids" and many of my friends' parents were very good to me as well.  So, yes, I knew better.  I knew right from wrong.

Me - my Senior year of high school

I can also say I was manipulated.  I was manipulated by a teacher ten years older than me who was respected, attractive, spoke well, and had a Master's Degree.  He groomed me when I was 16 but didn't act on it until I was 17.  He convinced me that my parents were neglecting me.  He promised to take care of me and give me more security and love than I was receiving.  He tried to convince me that my choice of worship was not good enough; that his choice of faith was better for me.  He encouraged me to separate myself from some of my friends, yet keep others that could cover for us.  Yes, I knew better than to get involved with him, but I was still young enough and impressionable enough that his ploys messed with my head, my heart, my emotions, my decision-making skills.  He definitely used his age, experience, and status to manipulate the situation for his favor.  Typing this, I still feel guilt, shame, and embarrassment. 

It took many years of hiding from the aftermath of this relationship.  It took many years of trying to numb my pain or avoid my feelings or fake being strong or laugh and joke about the matter.  All these years, I've carried some pretty deep, dark scars from this relationship.  In recent years, I've finally been able to work through the "stuff".  I've been to therapy.  I read books and articles and blogs.  I relate to various people - from victims to addicts - and their stories of hitting dark places and overcoming them.  I work on myself and try to live and grow.  I pray and sometimes meditate and journal (which I should do more frequently).  I have a partner who encourages me to face the dark and painful past and be open, vulnerable, and honest.  (Previously, I've had a partner who laughed at me and called me an "idiot" for getting myself into such a relationship and another that barely believed me and another who said "you were 'that' girl" and never talked about it again...I understood 'that' wasn't a good girl.)

Was I "That" Girl?

I still struggle at times.  For instance, in writing this piece, well, it hasn't been easy.  I've written, deleted, written again, deleted...  I still have a hard time thinking of myself as a victim.  At that time, there was no felonious law in Texas to criminalize his behavior.  If our relationship happened in 2004 or 2011 or today (anytime since the law was passed in 2003), he would be guilty of committing a felony, and I would be a victim.  The guilt, shame, and embarrassment that I still fight to this day doesn't allow me to grasp this and acknowledge it.  I'm still working...............


This is a site for an attorney trying to get your business, but it has some good information about the criminal charge that I am discussing.  See this LINK. 

Oh, and if you'd like to know what happened to the teacher...Google gives so much information.  He married another girl that he met while she was in high school and a couple of years younger than me.  He has been named in a number of lawsuits.  He has been fired twice (I believe) in two different states from teaching.  He was issued a cease and desist order.  And then there is THIS.  Let's just say, it is my humble opinion that he has continued his manipulative behavior.  I am not putting this here to slander him; these are all pieces of public information found on the world wide web. And, I don't want to end this on a bad note.....so.......


 I am not writing this or sharing this for you to feel sorry for me or to judge me.  I am sharing so we can all realize passing judgment or sharing hurtful opinions can further damage those that are carrying heavy burdens already.  Lift someone up instead of tearing them down.  Be respectful when you share your opinions.  Empathize with others.

Thoughts #10 - Layers

Since the beginning, the background for my blog has been graffiti.  I looked through the choices available for free on blogger and selected it because I liked the colors.  From time to time, I want to change it.  I look through the selections again - patterns, prints, images; flowers, animals, nature - but nothing seems to be just right.  I know I can upload my own picture, but really, hardly anyone looks at my blog anyway, what's the big deal? 

I started thinking more about graffiti.  I actually like graffiti.  Sure, if it is vandalizing someone's home or place of business, I understand that's not so cool.  If it is gang-related, it is definitely NOT cool.  But, it's not always dirty and disrespectful; there IS graffiti that is artistic and meaningful.  I like the eclectic pieces with a mix of colors, layers, graphics, symbols, writings, textures, and meanings.  That kind of graffiti is awesome. 

Hey! - I'm kind of an eclectic gal with layers.  (I've also been dirty and disrespectful, but we won't talk about that now.)  So, maybe the graffiti background works for me after all. 

I searched google images with "graffiti".  Just from the first few rows of images, I found these amazing pieces of work:

Artist: David Walker/London, England - image snagged here

Artist: Unknown/Bogota, Colombia - image snagged here.

Artist: Vinie Graffiti/Paris, France - image snagged here.

Hi, I'm Erin, and I'm a book-a-holic

Previously, I posted about a book challenge hosted by Megan at Semi-Charmed Kind of Life.  I joined this challenge because I like books.  I like reading.  I like challenges (sometimes).  I'm not much of a participant in the blog-o-sphere world (as you know).  But, I do participate a lot on facebook.

So, I got to thinking..... 

I'm a Texan who lives in Sydney, Australia.  I am fortunate enough to have met and made friends with people that live not only in the USA and Australia, but other parts of the world as well.  So, I developed my own book challenge that I'm hosting on facebook.  This is the message that I sent to people to generate an interest:

Hello! I'm creating a group here on facebook. Before I invite or add you, and you start getting notifications that you may not want, I want to know if you're interested. If you're not, no worries. It won't hurt my feelings. If you are interested, let me know so you can be added into the fun. I'm creating my very first book challenge. For this one, I'm only inviting people I know. If I stumble or mess up, hopefully you can help me fine tune it, and it becomes a fun way to read and share with other reading enthusiasts. There will be some simple rules. I'll give you categories, and you select your books. You'll be asked to post your reading list and allowed to change it through the challenge. You'll get 4 months to take the challenge. No one is getting graded or penalized It's designed to be fun! As participants, you will be encouraged to interact with each other in the FB group which will only be open to those involved. The first one to read all your books, gets a small prize from me! Plus, the top 3 can help submit categories for my next challenge. (Yea, I'm hoping to do this twice a year). My goal is to create a reading community with readers from different age groups and varied interests that live all over the world. So, let me know if you're interested. I'll create the group and add you. Rules and book categories should be announced in July. Book challenge will be held August 1st through November 30th. When you reply, tell me how many books you read per month. I'll use every one's answer to create the list (I haven't decided how many books I will challenge you to read). 

The response was A-MAY-ZING!  Seriously, I am so thrilled with the response.   The group is a private group/invite only.  I started the invites then friends started asking if they could invite others too.  The group has over 100 members from 7 different countries with over 40 people actively participating.  Members range in age from 20s to 60s.  We have conservatives and not-so-conservatives; homos and heteros; Christians, Atheists, and Agnostics; mostly women and a couple of brave men; blondes, brunettes, and redheads. 

I describe the group page like this:

Book Challenge to be held July 1, 2014 - October 31, 2014
First and foremost, have fun. Don't stress. No one is being judged, graded, or penalized. Even if you finish one book the entire challenge, if you enjoy it and it is an accomplishment for you, then that's awesome!

Discussion is highly encouraged. Participate as little or as much as you want. Please be supportive and respectful of others. If you get disrespectful, inappropriate, or nasty, I will ban you...don't make me use my authoritative power!

Hopefully, we will create an environment with books and people that interest, inspire, and entertain you.

I altered the start/finish dates.  We had so much interest and seemingly, there was some excitement too, that getting started straight away made sense.  Heck, it's day 3 into the challenge, and a few members have already finished their first book!

I can't tell you how much I enjoy seeing the interaction between friends I've known since high school talk to friends I met in Australia to friends I lived with in college talking to family members.  It's such an amazing mix of people, and I am lucky enough to watch it all!  Plus, it has made me realize how fortunate I am to have some intelligent, funny, insightful, well-read people in my life.  All of you participants have made this girl feel super grateful.

For anyone who likes a good book, there are some incredible book selections coming in from all genres and types of books.  For example, one category is "Read a biography, autobiography, or memoir".  We have members reading everything from books about aging rock stars to biographies about military heroes to autobiographies from former first ladies (from both Republican and Democratic parties) to Anne Frank's diary to a book from a former alcoholic to books about the lives of certain actresses, and more (yes, more!).

So......................................if you haven't joined and are interested, it's not too late, it's never too late (sorry, I just broke into song in my head by Three Days Grace).  I'll let you get distracted too, and I'll post the song here:

Anyway.................................if you're up for interesting folks reading books, then ask to join my group!

Book #48

I finished reading Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis earlier this month, and I'm just getting around to writing about it.  I like music.  I read memoirs.  I am intrigued by rock stars (sometimes).  So, this book has been on my "to read" list for years.  I finally got around to it.

The good:  Anthony Kiedis is brutally honest.  I don't think he went into this project worried about what others would think about him.  He told his story from his perspective with complete openness and honesty (so it seems; those close to him may feel differently).  I give him credit for that because often I wonder if a publicist is standing over the shoulder of some other memoirs' writers making sure the subject still is painted in a picture they choose.  Kiedis had an interesting upbringing, became the lead singer of an influential band, shared many relationships with others, and succumbed to the readily available drugs.  He shares these stories in detail. He is unapologetic.  He seems to come from the mindset "I am who I am.  Take it, or leave it."  I applaud his honesty.

The bad:  Kiedis openly shares in detail about the romantic relationships that played an important role in his life.  That's fine.  Integral to his story.  What I found to be "bad" was the AGE of some of his female partners.  For instance, in the 1980s, he was in a long-term relationship with the actress Ione Skye (best know for her role in "Say Anything").  He met Skye when she was 15, turning 16.  He was mid-twenties.  Nowadays, that's criminal activity.  He published a picture of her topless when she was 18 (okay, that's legal).  She's not the only one.  He dated and/or had sex with groupies that were younger, some at an age that made me extremely uncomfortable.  Laws have changed.  Some parts of society have changed.  I know it happens.  But, I'm just not cool with his unapologetic story about him hooking up with a 14 year old groupie. His current girlfriend is 20, and he's 52.  Hey, at least she's legal.  Again, I know it happens.  I'm not a prude.  I've read other memoirs with rock stars doing the same thing (Ted Nugent, Steve Tyler, etc.), but they seem to acknowledge that the young age of the female partner was not the greatest thing, but it was something done at the time. 

Anthony Kiedis with Ione Skye

The ugly:  Although Kiedes is honest, yes.  He tells some nasty, dirty tales especially when he discusses his drug use, binges, rehab visits, relapses, overdoses, and the unsavory characters and circumstances surrounding this world.  He admits to his selfish behaviors.  But, what I found to be "ugly" is the fact that he seems to lack any introspection.  He tells the stories and experiences but tells us little about the effects he had on others and shows little to no remorse for this pattern of selfish behavior.  He comes off completely as a  self-absorbed, narcissistic, ego-maniac.  Actually, I think he is an ugly person.  Even after he got sober.  I still liked the book.  I like the Red Hot Chili Peppers.  I just don't have to like Anthony Kiedis.