Without even reading the article yet, this was my comment to her: "I haven't read this yet, but I have strong feelings about this. It's not anyone's damn business why you don't have kids. It's amazing how often people think they need to give their opinion about this, even perfect strangers."
You see, I am a *cough* 41 *cough* year old woman that does not have children. I didn't exactly plan it that way. I never was against the idea of having children. I assumed I'd get around to it, but I didn't. Examining my life, I'm glad I didn't. About three years ago, I really looked long and hard at this part of my life. I even had a period of mourning the fact that I missed out on this glorious role in life - parenthood. I mean that. This is one of those times that I'm not being sarcastic. I realized the time had come and gone for me. I was never truly in the right place and/or right relationship that bringing a child into the world as my responsibility was a good idea. And, that's okay. I'm really okay with it. I never experienced that maternal yearning or biological clock ticking sensation. That's okay too. I do not feel that I'm a lesser person because of this fact.
But.........
You'd be surprised at how many people feel like they need to comment, advise, and give their opinion about this fact. You'd be surprised at how many people, especially perfect strangers, feel the need to tell me what they think about my child-free life. People telling me it can still happen (uhm, I'm not trying to make it happen). People telling me to not give up (uhm, I'm not hoping or striving for anything to "give up" on). People actually asking "why?" and "don't you like kids?" and other such remarkably personal questions. What if the answer was that I can't have kids? That physically, my body isn't able to produce. What if I suffered emotional trauma because of this? There are many women out there that experience fertility issues, so what if I was one of them? I'm not, but my point is that this is a topic that is personal and such questions shouldn't be approached in such a nonchalant way that I've experienced.
I'm lucky. My family has always understood this about me. I've never experienced any pressure from them to have children. I've never felt like a disappointment because I didn't have children. (I've felt like a disappointment for other reasons, but not this one). Those closest to me "get it", so why do strangers or peripheral people in my life feel the need to ask questions?
Yes, I like kids. I loved hanging with my nieces and nephew when they were younger. The small amount of time that I've spent with my cousins' kids have been awesome. My friends' kids? Love 'em. I am one of those people who genuinely respect and admire my friends and loved ones in their roles as parents. It truly is amazing to me. And guess what... my guy has kids, and I'm fortunate enough that he shares them with me. Maybe my place is to be the best step-parental role model that I can possibly be. That's the role I'm happy to tackle.
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| See, I can hang with kids |
Now, babies....they scare me!
Oh, and one more reason that I'm happy to be child-free? No creepy elf on a shelf!!!
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| Photo credit |
The most shocking thing I gained from this is that you're 41 years old. I knew you were older than me, but I was guessing early thirties.
ReplyDeleteI agree. I feel like your opinion on how many kids someone should have is only applicable to yourself. When Quinn was not even two months old I had people asking me when we were going to have another and now that she's 3 I have people that are FLABBERGASTED that she'll probably be an only. I've gotten pretty snarky with those people since I'm tired of hearing about it. I can only imagine how much you hear with no kids.
Very well said! I had always expected to have children, but life had other plans. I didn't get married until I was 30, and although my husband and I thought we'd have kids in the beginning, two transcontinental moves, life, work, and everything else got in the way. We were never on the same page about the timing, so here I am at 39 1/2 with no kids, and I'm actually thankful that it never worked out. Yes, there were times when I was angry and times when I mourned the idea of missing out on something I had always expected to have. There have been times when I have felt guilty that my husband would likely have children if he had married someone else with fewer neuroses; however, I have realized, over the past couple of years especially, that I'm not emotionally cut out to have children. I need quiet. I need privacy. I have clinical depression that rears its ugly head sometimes and requires medication. I am a great pet parent, but I'll leave the human children to others who have more strength and patience than I! :)
ReplyDeleteI do want children, always have, but cannot understand people who have anything to say about anyone's life choices. like, mind your own damn business!
ReplyDeleteI'm amazed at how rude and nosy people are. People started asking my husband and me when we were having kids when the ink had barely dried on our marriage license. Chill out, everyone! I think it's much better to make the informed decision to be child-free than it is to have kids "just because."
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I are childfree also. Among several other reasons, I just don't want to be a mom. It's like not wanting to climb a mountain or play the piano. Just because I COULD learn to do it, does not mean that my life needs it.
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