Thursday, June 9, 2016

My two cents

By now, you probably have read quite a few things about that piece of shit rapist Brock Turner.  And his piece of shit dad.  And that piece of shit judge who gave a laughable sentence.  If you haven't, google him. 

There are so many layers to this story that make me spit fire.

Date rape.
Rape culture.
Treatment of rape survivors.
Inequity of sentences given out for different crimes.
Parents that make excuses for their children.
This list could go on and on...

I've got two more layers that I want to comment on...

As a white female, I'm going to throw the "race card" in the mix. I haven't heard many people talking about it.  Maybe that's a good thing.  Because it doesn't matter what color anyone is in this story, the "wrongs" are horribly wrong.

But, my husband and I were talking last night...if this was a black Stanford student, he'd have received a harsher sentence.* ( *exception being if he was a star athlete for a sport that was bringing in high revenue for the university.)
If this was a black guy who happened to be on Stanford's campus, he'd have been locked up and thrown away the keys. 
If this had been a black guy raping a black girl in a poverty stricken area, sadly, most of us wouldn't even know about this story or be paying this much attention.
I'm outraged at the sentence for all kinds of reasons. And, yes, the "race" reason is one of them.

Also, I have a friend...long story...but, two months ago, after a night out drinking with friends, she offered her couch to a male friend who'd had too much to drink to drive home.  This male friend was  a good friend who'd expressed interest in dating her.  She'd had the conversation more than once with him that she loved his friendship, but only wanted that...their friendship...nothing more.  He'd stayed at her house on previous occasions after too many drinks.  This particular occasion, she was sexually assaulted in her own home.  She has chosen not to press charges or legally report him.  She is a civilian that works on a military base.  He is in the military.  She says that in their situation, she knows it is only going to be her word against his.  So, she has already been too fearful of the victim-blaming and shaming that she assumed knew damn well that she would experience.  This week, she pointed to this case as another example of why she is scared to report.  What she said to me "I don't have two witnesses who interrupted the attack to vouch for me."  And, "I don't have the strength to face a military investigation when I'm sure he will only receive a slap on the wrist.  If that."  She did confront him about it, and his reply was "sorry about that; I was drunk."  Sounds a lot like Brock Turner's reasoning. 

This is one friend's story.  I know others.  You know others.  You may have your own story. 

In the case of Brock Turner, hooray for those cycling Swedes that stopped, intervened, didn't just ride pass or look the other way.  Most of all, hooray for the victim who (hopefully) sees that she is an inspiration to many and support is out there in abundance.



  1. This case makes me so angry. Everything about it - the judge, the guy's father. UGH! Well, everything except the cyclists who deserve a medal for actually intervening. More people need to not ignore it when they see something bad happening (well, really the bad things need to stop happening, but as long as there are people like Brock Turner in the world more people need to stop being passive/self-involved).

  2. gosh i get so mad and emotional regarding this. i read her letter yesterday and i just had to tear up at the end. for personal reasons i just got it. and you make good points here. and i'm SO sorry about your friend and it makes me even angrier she feels she can't do anything about it. and i get it. sigh. so many jumbled thoughts. thank you for writing this <3

    xoxo cheshire kat

  3. This whole story enrages me to the point of seeing fire.

  4. Geez. I am so sorry for your friend :( That makes me SO upset. I have been in situations where I've told the guy I was with "no" and he immediately stopped. I don't know what I'd have ever done if he hadn't. How absolutely horrible for your friend.
    I have only ONCE been in a situation where I blacked out multiple times and lost consciousness. I was in hs and my friends decided to call my boyfriend at the time, who now happens to be my husband. Despite me being in a tank top and so drunk I couldn't stand, he took me to his house, washed the vomit out of my hair and off my body, put me to bed, and left me alone all night. Both alcohol and little clothing were a part of that evening and rape did NOT occur. It has nothing to do with the conditions, it has to do with RAPISTS.

  5. So many people talking about this... & what I get so angry about - it happens every freaking day. Men getting away with this & women getting BLAMED for this. All of it is so ridiculous. I dont know what it will take for something to change.

  6. I don't know why, but I was so shocked when I heard about this story because it seemed surreal. Everything from the judge being more concerned about the rapist and how being found GUILTY would hurt HIS future and the rapist's father defending his son for his "20 minutes". The Rapist may have had a bright future but he CHOSE to throw it away when he raped a woman. He wasn't forced to do it. He DID it to HIMSELF. And yes, I thought the same thing - had he been black (and not a star athlete as you noted) I doubt the judge would have been so lenient or concerned for HIS welfare. It's not right; it's not fair and it just sickens me. I am so sorry for your friend. I cannot imagine what she is going through and how hard it must be to know justice is so elusive in crimes like this. And I don't understand how do guys get that mentality? That being drunk is an okay excuse? Or because it wasn't stranger rape (in her case) that it somehow makes it less awful? Or is somehow forgivable? I'm not sure how to bring about change but something needs to happen.

  7. This is absolutely appalling to me. I totally agree that race (and class) played into this. A poor white guy who didn't go to Stanford would probably get a harsher sentence too (but not harsher than a black guy would get). Things like this just make me feel like equality for women hasn't advanced in the last 100 years. Every single aspect of this case just makes me livid and/or distraught. Aside from the Swedes, of course. I'm so sorry about what happened to your friend. It sucks just how often these things happen.

  8. I completely agree with you that part of the reason for light sentence is that he's a well to do white dude. There's still a huge disparity in punishments between minorities and white defendants.

    The guy's dad's letter makes me want to spit nails.

  9. As I said on Steph's post earlier today...I have commented on a few posts about this and I still cant even put in to words my feelings as it enrages me to the core. When is privilege of the rich and well connected going to stop being a thing? I don't care what race the guy or girl was, the bottom line was someone was raped and it is wrong. To only charge him 6 months because it is inconvenient for him and his swimming?!?!?!?!? this just opens the floor for any guy to go out and do whatever the fuck he wants to a woman just because he can and he can cry and say that he cant eat the same or enjoy life anymore and he is a vital part of a football team or wallstreet or whatever and he gets a little slap on the wrist?!?!? This is just a grave injustice I cant even stand to think about it. And to read about your friend breaks my heart for her. It really, truly does. Rape is not ok. Rape is not asked for or expected no matter what the girl does, doesn't do, drinks or wears. When are people going to stop making excuses and start pushing consequences?!

  10. I'm seriously just so in awe of everything that's happened with this case! The fact that Brock showed no remorse and then received such a light sentence is an outrage! You can almost see some of the parallels with what you said about being a student for a high revenue sport and what happened with the Baylor football team. It's terrible that the assaults were happening, coaches knew about it, and then did nothing about it! It all just sickens me so much!

  11. I've had to stay off social media (especially Facebook) the last few days because with every new piece of information I am more and more sickened. Unfortunately how people handle their reaction can add a nasty layer into that as well.

  12. This whole thing is totally messed up & there are many others out there, like your friend, that don't stand up & fight because they feel they won't win. It's BS! I feel for these victims so much. Something horrible was done to them but because the assailant is a white college educated man or whatever, they don't get justice. Ugh! Makes me see red, that's for dang sure! Grrr.

  13. i am so so sorry for your friend. you are right, we all know somebody, and that is just beyond ridiculous. i am so shocked and disgusted and i keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, the real sentence, or something to change. what the heck is this world coming to?


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